


Blood Is Thicker

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-23
Updated: 1999-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-10 18:39:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11132508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived atDue South Archive. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onDue South Archive collection profile.





	Blood Is Thicker

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Blood Is Thicker

Hello one and all. Hope your holidays were good ones. Happy New Year! I wanted to squeak this story into the fiction list before the year turns, since I haven't posted a story since November. Had stories for almost every month in 1996, so I need to have a story for December now don't I?;-) This is something I've been working on for a while. I wrote a huge chunk of it rapidly last summer and had ideas where I wanted to go with it, but got distracted with multiple other stories clamoring for my attention. So it took me a while to pick this one up again. Quite a while. 

Its a story idea that's been kicking around since I started writing DS fiction early this year, so its only fitting that I should close out the year with it. A couple of aspects of the story were inspired by someone a long time ago, who wishes to remain anonymous. She knows who she is and has been thanked privately. 

**Warnings:**

**\- Tame male/male relationship**

****

\- Around 66 pages long by my text reader 

****

\- hurt/comfort 

****

\- sappy

****

\- The favor Elaine asks of Fraser was always going to be a stand alone story. I just threw it in here for fun and it fit. I've been wanting to write it for a very long time now. Just ask Shawn. Hi Shawn. 

\- There's something that happens in this story that I've been toying with the idea of having it find its way into another 'long' story I've been writing since July. 

Seems all my stories are turning into lengthy ones lately. There's another awaiting completion in the wings as well at about 50+ pages so far too. Just ask Elaine. Hi Elaine. 

Ugh! Will these ever get finished? We'll see. 

One last thing. I tried very hard to find what Charlie's last name was. I rewatched 'The Deal' (such a hardship *g*) and 'Juliet Is Bleeding' (Oh how I suffered. Yeah right. *g*) Then I went to the DS fiction writers resource web site. Then to the official DS home page to read the synopses of these two episodes. 'Juliet Is Bleeding' synopsis didn't even list the guest actors. 'The Deal' synopsis just listed him as Charlie. So I took the liberty of giving the man a last name. No Katrina I did not name him Charlie Renfield.;- > 'What's in a name? A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet.' 

Ok, confession time. I played a little with something that Ray mentions to the Mexican policewoman in 'The Edge'. He told her about not losing any partners, then later confesses to her that he did lose a partner due to a car accident and it was his fault. He hit the partner with the car (minivan I believe was the correct vehicle). I always got the impression that the partner didn't die, just became an ex-partner. The way he talks about it he doesn't seem devastated or extremely upset by it. I can't imagine Ray killing a partner with a car and taking it as lightly as he does here. But then again it would explain why he doesn't have a partner now.;-) 

I rewatched that scene today. Because it was bugging me did I remember it right. Because in BLOOD IS THICKER I said it was Laurie (from 'The Duel') and figured it was a good way to help explain why she isn't his partner any more for one thing and maybe another reason she quit the police force too. It also helps me redeem the incident a little in Ray's favor to show it was a set up. It could have been prevented. 

Well wouldn't you know, in the episode 'The Edge' he refers to the partner as 'he'. So, please be kind. The explanation in my mind is that he didn't want the Mexican Policewoman to know he hit a fellow policewoman with a car. He was trying to 'hit' on her after all. Maybe thought she'd fear even more for her safety partnered up with him in a professional and personal way because of it? You buy into that scenario and you're all set to read that part of my story (its a very, very small part of the story anyway. I took up more time here talking about than it takes to use in the story.). 

Comments are always welcome at 

# BLOOD IS THICKER

"You'll check on her for me?...Good...Its been too long since you last saw her Raymondo." Ray recalled his mother's words over the phone last night, 'reminding' him to make this visit today. 

The Vecchio clan was travelling again. Maria, Tony and their brood were imposing for a week on Tony's family in Peoria for a change. Ma was visiting with ailing aunt Grazelda in Decatur and Frannie was at a skin care products convention in Springfield. Due to work he was left behind to mind the house; with no one home he didn't mind at all. 

He grinned inwardly promising himself rewards and incentives if he got through this visit quickly, so he could spend time *alone* in that great big house of their's. Well not totally alone. Fraser was going to spend the night and watch the Bulls game on tv with him and most likely annoy him with commentary... well not quite commentary... but trivial comments. He didn't really mind, it was actually kind of fun to bait and tease Fraser when he became pedantic. If he became too much so, Ray smirked thinking of it, he knew of ways to distract him. 

Ray approached the reception area and checked in with the lady stationed there. "Hello Vera. I'm here to see..." She cut him off cheerfully. "Hello Ray. Its been a while since you've stopped by." Ray inquired. "How's she doing?" Vera smiled reassuringly. "She's fine. Today's a good day. She's waiting for you." As Ray was about to leave, Vera called his attention back. "Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend?" Vera said as she appreciatively eyed Fraser. 

Ray was getting tired of the usual flirtatious look they all gave in Benny's presence, especially now that he and Ben were lovers. Besides it was usually wasted on the mountie, because he never seemed to really notice or when he did he'd just get flustered. He sighed giving in to the usual routine. "Yeah sure. Vera, Benny. Benny, Vera. Let's go Benny." Not giving the introductions much more than a few seconds he immediately started to drag his friend by the arm and down the hall before Ben could say much more than, "Pleased to meet y...ou." Finishing the 'you' haphazardly as he was pulled along rapidly by his impatient friend. "Ray I know you're eager to go, but..." He was cut off by a glare that told him you-finish-that-sentence-you-die. Not a glare to be messed with. He'd seen it only once before and that was an experience he dared not repeat. 

The door Ray was headed to was slightly ajar. He tapped lightly on the wood and walked purposefully in, with Ben following on his heels. Ray's whole demeanor changed in just seconds. It was as if he were a different person than the irritable, impatient and edgy man which Ben came into the building with just moments ago. Ray was actually really smiling as he approached the old lady seated in a wheel chair looking out the window. From what Ben could see of her from the side she looked quite old. He wondered how old she was - in her nineties he hazzarded a guess. Ben hung back half-way into the room as Ray neared the old woman who hadn't acted as if she heard them yet. Ben observed them from a short distance away, not wanting to intrude. 

He was impressed with how considerate and gentle in manner Ray could be when he wanted to be. Ben watched as Ray moved towards her, not wanting to startle her he spoke loudly, but not too loud, making his presence gradually known as he bent to reverently kiss her. "Buona sera Nonna." Then crouched down next to her so he was just about eye level with the petite woman. A wrinkled hand reached out to touch his face as a thickly italian accented old voice spoke. "Ciao piccolo. My vision not so good. I barely see you. Ach. You're too thin is why. Doesn't that mama of your's feed you?" Ray laughed softly. "Si Nonna. Troppo." She shook her head clucking in denial. "No. She not cook good italiano pasti. I cook for you. You not be so, so, magro Antonio." 

Ray's face momentarily clouded with an emotion Ben couldn't quite catch because it just as quickly was hidden again. "Nonna sono Raymondo." She looked at him in puzzlement, "Raymondo? Che?", then seemed to dismiss whatever it was she was thinking in favor of something else. "Why my Carmine don't visit me no more Antonio? He promise me we go to the festa." She turned in her chair and noticed Ben for the first time. A huge smile took up most of her wrinkled thin face when she saw him. "Antonio, why you not tell me Vincenzo here too? Come Vincenzo." She was excitedly motioning the mountie to her. Ben was perplexed and pointed to himself briefly when Ray looked over. Ben's face asking the question, *Does she mean me?* Ray just nodded his head and signalled for him to play along. 

Ben hesitantly moved towards the old woman who thought she knew him, but saw someone else in her mind, not really him. He mouthed over for help from Ray, "Vincenzo?" Ray just had a mischievous smile plastered on his face, and mouthed back, "Don't worry." Something told Ben that he should worry, that he was being set up, but he realized it too late. For someone so old and frail looking she was actually alot stronger than she looked as she tugged on his hand and pulled him into a stifling embrace. When she kissed his cheek and whispered. "Mi amor." Fraser struggled a bit and pleaded with his eyes for Ray's help. Ray finally intervened. "Nonna?" "Si piccolo?" "Vincenzo and I have to go to work now." She loosened her hold of Ben as if she didn't even register that he was there any more. "Antonio you tell your papa that he promise to take me to the festa? Si?" Ray smiled weakly back. "Si Nonna. Ciao." 

She canted her head to the side, humming to herself, then began talking with people she imagined were in the room with her about a 'festa' she was going to attend with her son Carmine. She no longer acknowledged the two men who were actually the only one's there with her. Ray placed a kiss on her cheek, which she didn't even notice as she continued in her own world. "Te amo Nonna." The words came out choked at the end, as he immediately hurried past Fraser to get out of the room first, before Ben could see the tears that had gradually found their way to his eyes and were in danger of falling. Fraser raced to catch up with the rapidly departing back of his friend... and his ride. "Ray wait up!" But Ray never slowed, he just kept moving, not paying attention or seeing the roll-away bed rounding the corner at the hallway's end. 

Ben ran at that point seeing the potential for his friend being hurt. "Ray! Watch out!" He was just about at his friend's side when Ray stopped at his warning with barely an inch to spare as the bed rolled past him. Ben caught up to him easily then. During Ray's momentary pause he placed his hand on his friend's elbow. "Ray? Are you alright?" Ray mumbled out. "Yeah sure. Why wouldn't I be? Let's go already." He kept avoiding looking at Ben and didn't speak as they left the nursing home and entered the car. Ben could tell his friend was upset by his visit with his grandmother, and as observant as he was, he didn't miss the sadness that he glimpsed in eyes that mirrored a pained soul. 

The silence was too much. Ben was used to a talkative Ray, not such a pensive one. He decided to lighten the mood in the car, as he teased. "You knew all along she was going to do that to me didn't you? You set me up. Who is Vincenzo? Your grandfather?" That got a smile out of Ray and a slight chuckle. "No. Let's just say, her dancecard was always full. Vincenzo was one of her favorite lovers, who was murdered by some gangsters in the twenties. Nonna was... well... she was quite a beautiful woman and led a very colorful life. She used to be a singer and dancer, before she met and married my grandfather. She ran away from her family in Italy to emigrate to America when she was 17. She didn't want to marry some old butcher guy that her father arranged a marriage with. My Uncle Lorenzo. Remember him? That's her younger brother. She helped bring him over and got him a job with her boss as a bartender at a speak easy. They lived in Chicago during some of its more notorious and definitely interesting times... although with you around Fraser, Chicago sure has gotten alot more interesting again." 

Fraser was fascinated at hearing of Ray's family history. It sounded like it could be something out of a novel or movie. Fraser, who didn't have any family of his own any more, had met quite a few of Ray's relatives now and was always amazed at how many cousins, aunts and uncles the man had. 

Ray grew sad again. "I remember her and Uncle Lorenzo telling me stories when I was a kid. She was such an incredible lady. Now look at her. She doesn't even remember me." They'd pulled into the Vecchio driveway at that point and Ray got out of the car and slammed the door. Ray never slammed the door of his beloved Riv. "I'm sorry Ray. She called you 'piccolo' though? Wasn't that your nickname?" Ray laughed derisively. "Means youngster or little one or tiny. She always called Tony that. Not me. It was a joke between them. He wasn't tiny." Ben was puzzled. "Your brother-in-law Tony?" Ray had the door opened and the lights turned on, then wheeled on him suddenly. "No. Not the Tony you know." Ben couldn't leave this puzzle alone. "Have I met this Tony before? She kept calling you Antonio. Is that who she meant? I don't recall you mentioning any other Tony's to me other than your brother-in-law." 

Ray practically growled at him. "Drop it Benny. I don't wanna talk about him. Ok?" 

"Who? Your brother-in-law?" 

"Will you stop! No! Not my brother-in-law. My brother Tony. Ok? Satisfied?" Ray had led him into the kitchen and was opening the refridgerator door, looking inside but not really seeing what was there. He stood like that for too long. 

Ben moved up alongside him when he'd noticed the slight trembling, and then heard what sounded like a strangled sob coming from his best friend. He gently removed Ray's hand from the open door. Closing the door at the same time as he placed a comforting arm around Ray's shoulders, he led him to a chair at the kitchen table. He knelt down in front of his friend, who's head was bowed and wouldn't look at him. "I'm here Ray if you want to talk about it. I'll listen." Ray tried to laugh. "God, I'm blubbering like a baby. Sorry Benny." Ben placed a soothing hand on top of one of his friend's and compassionately smiled up at him. "Don't be. Its ok Ray. I'm sorry I badgered you." Ray gave him a lopsided smile. "Yeah you really know how to push my buttons sometimes Benny. Why do you do that?" Ben shrugged. "Genetic defect? Something in the water in Tuktoyuktok?" 

Ray smiled and lightly chuckled at his friend's attempts to cheer him up. "Benny I envy you sometimes. No family..." He stopped himself realizing how callous that must have sounded. "I'm sorry." 

"Its alright Ray. I understand. But I think you don't really mean that." Ray was silent for a few minutes, then he whispered out. "I hate him Benny." 

"Who Ray?" 

"My old man. He used to make me so mad. Then there was Tony. I used to tease him that he was the postman's son. Can't believe he was related to my pop. My brother was a saint Benny. And I hate him too. I don't want to, but I do. Is it possible to hate a saint?" 

Ben handed his friend a napkin as a handkerchief. "I always wondered about your brother. You surprised me that one time at the psychiatric ward, when you mentioned having a brother. Then never said another word about him again. I didn't want to pry, since no one in your family seems to mention or talk about him. I thought maybe he was into something illegal and I didn't want to..." Ray laughed. "You thought my brother was connected? God, that's funny Benny. To tell the truth I could have gone that route - never Tony. Actually if it hadn't been for him, I might've. You remember how Zuko said he and I had a history?" Ben nodded. "As a stupid kid I used to hang out with him and his thugs. Played basketball, acted tough, like a big jaluke. Tony hated it. Tried to talk some sense into me. I didn't really listen. Thought he was just being a wuss. It took Marco to really do it though... Tony knew. Tony always knew when I was messed up into something. But he never judged. Just talked and listened and helped." Ben smiled. "I think I would like your brother. I'd like to thank him for looking out for you. Keeping you on the right path where you belong." Ray shook his head whistfully with a bittersweet smile. "Yeah. You two would've hit it off. In many ways you remind me of him Benny. He was always out trying to rescue the world too. Even if it was futile and one person at a time. And he also had an annoying habit of dragging me along too, whether I wanted to or not." 

Ben looked sympathetic as he placed a soothing hand to Ray's face, with a gentle thumb wiping at a track of wetness still there from earlier. "Doesn't sound like you really hate him Ray." Ray's face changed in seconds as he fumbled unwittingly with the cross at his neck. Not able to look his friend in the eye. "The bastard left me... us. He wasn't supposed to die Benny. It was so stupid and senseless how he died. He didn't really like basketball. He was more interested in chess and games like that... Ya know? He was supposed to be so smart, but man in the end he was really so stupid." Ray was choked up again when he whispered out. "Oh god, it was supposed to be me. It should have been me." 

Ben's arms quickly came around his friend and held him in a tight embrace as he wept. Ray was finally releasing and voicing deeply rooted emotions of grief and guilt which had been held in check for too long. He'd been so angry at his father and older brother at the time of their deaths and being forced to take on the role of head of the family then, that he'd never truly grieved for them. He figured even if he had, no one would have been there for him anyway. His anger had made him strong enough to bear it all. His recent divorce at that time to Angie three months earlier; his mother's depression; Frannie's attacks on how cold and unfeeling he was; Maria and Tony's need for financial support since Tony couldn't keep a job and Maria was very pregnant again - all this had meant he didn't have time to deal with his own grief back then. Somehow through his anger at them both, he'd found the strength to hold his family together. 

Resting his head on Ben's shoulder and safely tucked in the comfort of his lover's arms, at last he sadly let out what had been silently eating away at him for years. "I was supposed to be the one. Not him. He was the good one. Gonna be a priest. Ma was so proud of him goin' to seminary school. But no. I gotta fight with my old man again. Why didn't I help fix it so one of pop's drinkin' buddies got out of a traffic ticket? Can still hear him - 'Mr Hotshot Cop, can't do this one little thing.' Got me so mad. We were supposed to go to the game together. But that night I wanted nothing to do with the bastard. I backed out. Didn't know he'd badgered Tony to go with him instead... until the call came in. You want to really know why I hate my brother? He let my asshole father drive drunk. That's why. I saw the wreck. They never had a chance." 

Ben's hand came up to stop Ray's from pulling too hard at the cross he was fumbling with again. Softly he said, "You're going to break that Ray if you're not careful." 

Ray's hand backed off the cross as if he didn't even realize what he'd been doing. "Its Tony's. He gave it to me when I was 15. Said to wear it and remember there is good in the world. I stopped wearing it after he died. Just started wearing it again recently... around the time I met you." 

Ben smiled softly and brought both his hands up to cup his friend's face. Looking deeply into sad eyes, he spoke sincerely. "Your brother was correct. There's always been good in this world Ray. I'm looking right at it. I'm so thankful I met you. I cherish your life. Please don't ever wish you were the one who died again. I couldn't bear the thought of a world without you in it." At this last he placed a gentle kiss against soft responsive lips. 

Ray's arms had slipped around his waist and the kiss intensified. When at last they pulled away, Ray gave him a broad loving smile, still keeping his lover trapped by his hands at the waist. "Thanks Benny. I needed that. God you're so beautiful. Not just outside. I can't describe it. Ya just radiate something I can't put a name to, but it ropes me in every time." 

Ben smiled knowingly. "Funny, that's kind of how it feels for me too. But I have a name for it. Its love. I love you Ray." Ray pulled away a little bit and spoke mischievously back. "Man don't get all mushy on me Benny. We've talked about this before. Guys don't share their feelings." Ben looked startled and his face was a picture of puzzlement, worried he'd done or said something wrong. Ray gave him a quick peck on the lips, then let his lover off the hook. "I love ya too Benny. I'm just teasin'." 

Ben began to pull his lover towards the door. "Shall we go watch the game?" Ray chuckled. "Naw. I'm in the mood for another kind of *game*. Are ya *game*?" Ben smiled in sudden comprehension at the exagerated suggestive motion of Ray's raising his eyebrows quickly up and down and the come hither look. "Thought you'd never ask." was his reply as he was led by the hand upstairs to Ray's room. 

As they walked through the hall towards the stairs. "So are there any rules to this game we'll be playing?" Ben inquired, to which Ray laughed. "House rules only Benny. Anything goes. Like this can go." He pulled off his turtle neck as he walked and flung it. Ben caught on to the rules quickly and before they made it upstairs most of their clothing was left as a trail behind them. 

********************************* 

Ray gazed at the man lying next to him, drinking in the sight of his peaceful sleeping face with wisps of dark hair falling over his brow. He reached over to push it to the side, really just wanting to touch him and in so doing he'd know that he was indeed real and not just a dream. Sleepy blue eyes opened slightly then closed again at the soft touch and a smile formed on sensual lips which parted somewhat. Ray leaned over to kiss him lightly and was rewarded with a tired kiss back. Afterwards he whispered over. "Shh, go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke ya." Ben moved in closer to him and murmured "Mmmmhhhmmm. S'alright." Ray wrapped his arms around his slumbering partner, holding him tighter than he intended. Ben's eyes started to open again at the sensation, noticing his lover was being very clingy. 

Ben quietly spoke out. "Ray? What's wrong sweetheart?" Ray was silent for a minute, then let out a heavy breath. "Its nothing. Just sleep." Ben was becoming more awake now. He knew that tone and the expression on Ray's face too well. "Ray, its ok. I'm awake now. I don't mind. What's bothering you?" Ray looked away from him and across the dark room, keeping Ben nestled within his arms, he seemed to be debating something. Ben had to strain to hear the soft voice when he finally spoke again. "I...I keep thinking about my old man's notebooks." Ben's brow furrowed. "Notebooks? What notebooks Ray?" 

Ray seemed uncomfortable and hesitant with this topic, but Ben knew if he remained patient, Ray would explain it to him in his own unique way and time. Ben laced his hand into one of Ray's when it fidgeted. Ray still found it difficult to look at Ben. "Um... when I um... cleaned the house that time... ya know... when 'she' was here." Ray still couldn't bring himself to say Victoria's name in front of Ben. In the back of his mind he was always fearful that Ben still loved her and if she came back, Ben would dump him fast to run off with her as he once planned. Ray had resolved to kill her first or die trying before that could ever happen. 

Ben's body stiffened slightly at the mention of his first love. "I was straightening up my room and found them. A box with a couple of police notebooks that my dad had hidden behind a loose base board. I was so screwed up back then and I didn't want to think about my pop. I had more important things on my mind." Ben kissed him quickly for emphasis at this part, to reinforce his love and murmured out guiltily. "My poor sweetheart." Remembering what he'd done to Ray's family home in his search for the key Victoria planted there to frame Ray. He recalled also the awkwardness and anguish they both suffered after Ray had shot him. He tenderly moved his hand down the side of Ray's face. Ray clasped the hand and kissed it, then swallowed at the lump that had formed in his throat and continued his story. "I never read them. Never wanted to. Threw them in my closet. Seeing Nonna tonight, and thinking of my father and Tony again, well it got me to remembering about the books. I've been lying here debating about reading them or not... Would you read them for me?" 

Ben shifted to look at his lover's earnest pleading expression. "I'll read them if you really want me to, but maybe it would be best if you read them first? Perhaps that's why your father hid them in your room. He might have wanted you to be the one to eventually read them." 

Ray grew defensive, "Yeah, well I don't want to read what he's got to say. Heard enough of his crap and then some my whole life, its probably just more of the same. Forget I asked. They'll stay unread." Ray released Ben from his embrace as he spoke. When he'd finished speaking he quickly rolled over onto his side so that his back was turned towards his lover. Ben reached out a hand, tentatively at first, to touch Ray's shoulder lightly. "Ray? I'll read them for you." 

Ray spoke over his shoulder. "Don't bother. I can't believe I asked ya to subject yourself to that kind of punishment. It ain't worth it. Problem solved. Good night Benny." 

*************************************** 

5 months later... 

His heart was racing the whole ride over to Fraser's apartment. Actually it had started even before that. As soon as Welsh mentioned the shooting at Fraser's apartment complex, he flew out the door and rushed right over. It was early evening, the sun had just set, but the multi-colored lights of the emergency vehicles tried to take the sun's place in front of the building Ray hurried to pull up near, adding his own light to the others there. Exiting the car promptly, flashing his badge where necessary, he was given access to the building and crime scene to begin his investigation. He followed the sound of commotion to the second floor. Breathing a sigh of relief, he was glad it wasn't Fraser's floor... but with a start realized that didn't mean Fraser wasn't involved. He was always meddling into his neighbors' lives. Ray prayed that this time he hadn't been. 

He pushed his way into the apartment with the most chaos around it. Esther Pearson, the coroner, was already there and examining the dead body of an elderly man that Ray didn't recognize. Not someone that he recalled seeing with Fraser, which again put his mind somewhat at ease. 

Esther didn't bother to look up as he approached her, but knew he was there nonetheless. "Hello Detective Vecchio." Ray was amazed at how well she figured that out without looking. "Hi Dr Pearson. What gave me away?" Esther responded seriously. "Your cologne. Its almost as strong as formaldehyde, then again it might be stronger." Ray didn't laugh, but responded sarcastically back. "Better than to smell 'like' formaldehyde." When he saw her noticeably wince, he felt somewhat regretful at his insinuation, since that was a day to day scent that clung to some people in her profession. "Sorry Vecchio. I know that was uncalled for, its just been a long day. Truce." Ray gave her a forgiving smile and nod, "Sure. So what can you tell me about the stiff?" Esther looked up then and responded. "Not much yet. You'll get my report in the morning. His name was Ernesto Giangrasso. Approximately 70 years old. Cause of death appears to be a shot to the head. Barrel of the gun held under his chin." 

Ray's eyes scanned the apartment briefly, sizing up what he could in a glance about the man who once lived here. "So its a suicide then?" She nodded her head. "Looks that way from certain tell-tale indications. But like I said. You'll get my full report tomorrow." 

Having just gotten home from visiting with his friends at the Senior Center, Fraser had seen all the commotion outside his building and grew fearful for his neighbors in the complex. However, he'd been happy to see a very familiar green Riv parked outside with its light flashing, so he knew his friend was on the case, but was also saddened because he knew Ray's involvement meant some major crime had taken place here. As he worked his way through a throng of people either on duty or just his neighbors gawking, he was impeded every now and again by one of them asking him questions which he had no answers for yet, but nonetheless he tried to reassure them that the situation was in capable hands and he would discuss it with them later. 

From outside the apartment door Ray could hear a very familiar voice, that of his friend and lover trying to gain access to the room. Ray signaled to the officer guarding the door. "Its alright Joe. He's with me. Hi Benny." Fraser approached the crime scene. "Hello Ray. Good evening Ms Pearson." The blond coroner smiled as she returned his greeting. "Hello Fraser." 

She chuckled when she saw the wolf was with him and was as enthralled with her as ever. Having finished her preliminary check of Giangrasso, she gave her attention to the appreciative wolf by scratching behind his ears. "Hello Diefenbaker. Sorry I can't take you home this time. You're already home." She teased the wolf, who just kept staring rapturously at her. Esther excused herself to attend to her task of overseeing and escorting the body from the room. Diefenbaker decided she was the only thing that mattered there and became her shadow, causing Fraser to shake his head in disgust at his wolf's behavior. But soon his attention was called back to Ray, who was talking to him. "... so I figure its a suicide. Easy enough case. Just got to fill out the paperwork. Open and shut." 

Fraser just nodded and "Mmmhhmmmed" distractedly as he critically eyed the corpse of his neighbor as it was being loaded onto a stretcher. He asked with his facial expression, his words, and a plastic glove, that he wished to touch the deceased man. "May I?" Ray and Esther gave their permission. Ray looked over at Fraser with concern. "Did ya know him? Was he a friend?" Fraser shook his head slightly as he did his own cursory examination of the man. "I did know him. Not well. Occassionally saw him in passing. Kept to himself mostly. A very private, quiet man. I believe Mr Mustafi was an acquaintance of his. In the same bowling league if I recall correctly." Having finished with his task, he thanked them, as the body was removed from the apartment. 

Ray followed as his friend did a full circuit of the apartment. He drew up close to him at one point to speak softly. "Something's telling me you don't think this was a suicide Benny. Don't tell me I'm in for a long night. Because I had *other* plans tonight and *you* were the central figure in those plans." Ben smiled at what his friend was insinuating, however soon he took on a facade of all business when he responded. "At this time I won't rule out suicide. Can I see Esther's report tomorrow to see if she backs this theory?" Ray nodded and happily replied. "Sure. Why not. We're *partners* afterall. You'll see. Its just a suicide. I've got to start doing the preliminary work-up on this and wrap up a few other things. I'll be back in an hour or two. Will ya wait up for me?" This last was said as a tease, because he knew of his friend's predilection for going to bed early. 

Fraser grinned back. "Always. I suspect I'll be kept busy in that time, since I promised a few of my neighbors I'd discuss this with them. They are quite distressed." There was an awkward second then, when they looked at each other and felt an urge to kiss each other good-bye, but not with all these people about, so instead they just amicably said their farewells and parted. Once again, no one was the wiser to the depths of their relationship. 

***************************************** 

Ray hated this place. It stank of death and gave him the chills every time he came down here. He could never understand how an attractive woman like Esther Pearson could lock herself away down here working long hours. Standing at her office door, he was thankful he didn't have to go to the lab attached when he noticed motion behind the mostly closed blinds of her door. He knocked lightly as he entered. Esther startled at the sound of the door opening and pulled away quickly from her previous visitor in the office. Nonchalantly brushing back a wisp of hair that came loose from her barrett, she and her guest tried to look - unconvincingly so - like they were just having a professional meeting. 

Ray couldn't help but smile knowingly to himself, when he saw who her visitor was and the slightly dishevelled state of their clothing. The gang back in the squadroom always wondered why the Lieutenant seemed so chipper on certain mornings when he first came in. Now he knew why and figured he could probably use this knowledge to his advantage some time with the boss. 

Ray pretended to have not seen anything untoward here. "Good morning. Sorry for interrupting your... ah... meeting?" Lieutenant Welsh barely contained a growl - Vecchio could see the tell tale signs of a grouchy boss for the rest of the day - as he said. "Good morning Vecchio. Ah... I was just leaving. Ms Pearson when can you have that report ready for me?" 

She looked puzzled for half a second, then recovered, catching onto her cue from his eyes which Vecchio couldn't see. "Oh yes. *That* report. Ah well. It should be ready by 6 o'clock?" The last sounded more like she was asking rather than stating. Ray wanted to laugh at their see through ploy, but kept himself in check out of respect for them both. He liked his boss and the coroner and actually thought they made a pretty good couple. They fit each other. Most of the precinct knew that Welsh and Pearson were an item again, after the *Sherry* incident. They tried to be so low profile about it, but they tended to forget they worked with people who's job it was to observe, investigate and get to the truth of things. Ray startled for a second wondering if anyone suspected him and Benny yet and were just staying mum about it for now. Watching his boss and Esther, who were trying to be secretive and not succeeding made him worry for his own secretive relationship. He told himself he was just being paranoid and turned back to his purpose for being here. 

After Welsh left, Esther handed Ray a folder on Giangrasso. Esther reported that all indications pointed to the fatal shooting being self-inflicted, hence it was her belief it was an open and shut case of suicide as they suspected last night. She finished off her report with, "Did you know that Ernesto Giangrasso was a cop? Retired from Internal Affairs for around 5 years now. Har... Lt Welsh knew of him." 

Ray's brows furrowed trying to remember something. Then it hit him. When his eyes canvassed Giangrasso's apartment last night, there had been part of what looked like an old class picture of police academy graduates peeking out from a living room cabinet drawer. He knew because his father had had a similar one at their home for years, until one day it disappeared off the mantle, as did any reminder of his father having ever been on the force. The picture from last night didn't register then, because he'd been so preoccupied and distracted with Fraser's curious request to examine the body of the deceased at that time. He'd put it out of his mind until now. 

He asked. "Any family or friends contacted? Curious to know why he offed himself like that. But as the boss always likes to remind me, I've got 25 cases on my desk. This one is now low priority." She shook her head in sympathy for the dead man. "No family. No friends stepping forward. We'll handle the arrangements if no one does in the next 48 hours." 

He took a copy of her report with him as he left, to be filed with his own... which he'd write when he *had* the time. 

********************************* 

Dinner at the Vecchio's was its usual boisterous event of the evening. Loud, loud, and louder still, with children wanting attention and the usual bickering and gossip going on around the table between his sisters, Tony and himself. 

When he had picked up Fraser from the consulate that afternoon, Ray had extended his mother's invitation to him to join them for a meal. She had complained that Ray hadn't had her favorite friend of his over for too long and insisted that he invite him and not take 'no' for an answer. He couldn't argue with her when her mind was made up, so he conveyed the message to his friend, who readily accepted. They agreed to be on their best behavior towards each other, so as not to slip up in front of his family about the nature of their relationship. 

Fraser sat to his left and whenever Ray would reach over for something near him, it was driving him crazy that he was so close that his sleeve would almost - but not quite - brush up against him. He'd have to remember that the next time Fraser came for dinner the seating would have to change slightly. Because he also caught himself reaching down to rest his hand on Ben's thigh at least twice now and he'd noticed that Ben was biting his lip and had *that* look he'd come to recognize the meaning of over the course of their time together. Ray had gotten to know some of Benny's *signals*, through their intimacy, that others weren't aware of. Some Ben himself probably wasn't even aware of. Like this particular one told him that Benny was suppressing an urge to either, smell or taste something. Namely him. He wanted to laugh, it was almost comical how they reacted to one another's presence sometimes. 

He decided to talk to Ben about the case from the night before to distract him. It appeared to be working. Ray knew one thing that could get and hold his friend's attention for a while was a puzzle. "Ya know Benny, Esther says that guy last night *was* a suicide. But the thing I hate with suicides sometimes is they leave me wondering. Like this one. No note. No close friends or family. Found out Giangrasso was retired from Internal Affairs for 5 years. Tried talking to a couple of his coworkers. No one really knew him all that well. What would have caused him to..." His question was interrupted by a sharp clattering sound of silverware hitting a plate and his mother hurriedly getting up from her seat, badly faking that she had something of urgence to do in the kitchen. He knew his mother's signals almost as well as Ben's and this one was telling him she was upset about something. 

His protective streak came out in full force and taking a defensive posture towards his mother, he glared daggers at his other family members thinking they were at fault somehow. He started to rise from his chair, about to follow after her, but not before he growled out. "Hey. Which one of you bozos upset ma? This is your first and last warning. After I find out, you don't want to be here when I get back!" They all looked over with puzzled innocence at his question after experiencing the same shock as himself at the sudden disappearance of their matriarch. Even Fraser wasted a look up at him as if trying to convince Ray he wasn't the culprit, which was obvious to Ray to start with. 

Ray found his mother fussing with things that didn't need fussing with in the kitchen. Softly he approached her, lightly touching her back which was turned to him. "Ma? You ok?" She wouldn't turn to face him. Not a good sign. Her words sounded positive, but her voice sounded choked and forced. "I'm alright caro." Still turned away from him, her arm crossed in front of her so that her hand could reach up to lovingly cover the concerned one on her shoulder. She continued. "Don't worry. Its nothing." Ray knew she was lying. "Ma, who was it? What'd they say? They're gonna regret it." She chuckled and smiled as she turned to face him now. Her hand came up to touch his worried questioning face. "Raymondo, always the protector. I'm sorry I got you all worked up caro. I just overreacted to a name I hadn't heard in a long time." Ray seemed puzzled at her reaction and her words, then realized what she meant. "Oh man. Does this mean I have to give myself a good chewing out?" She laughed lightly at the thought of it. She wouldn't put it past him to do so, he was always so hard on himself. But she knew it was really his attempt to cheer her up. "You knew..." He was afraid to say the man's name, because he didn't want to upset his mother again, but it came out anyway. "...Ernesto Giangrasso?" 

She nodded first, then said. "Yes. You even met him a few times. But you don't remember him because you were too little at the time. Just a bambino." She smiled sweetly at him, as she pictured that young child in her mind, who had grown into the man in front of her now. She took up after a brief pause. "He was a friend of your father's. They went through the police academy together." Ray stood speechless for a few seconds, as he recalled the piece of picture he'd seen in Giangrasso's apartment. It wasn't just similar to the one his father had. It was exactly the same. 

She looked worried as she softly spoke. "He... he came to see me two days ago. I can't believe he's dead." Ray couldn't hide his shocked expression. "Why'd he come over? Has he come over before?" She shook her head quickly in the negative. "Oh no. No. No." Ray continued to ask. "So why was he here?" She bit her lip and looked like she didn't want to say anything more, but before he could ask again, she spoke. "He came to apologize." Ray looked puzzled. "Apologize? Apologize for what?" 

Her eyes became watery and he could tell she was holding something important from him despite her volunteering the information that she had spoken with Giangrasso before his death. "For something that happened a long time ago. Between him and your father." Ray prodded with his eyes, then backed it up with his next question. "What?" She reached out to touch his arm. "Its nothing you should concern yourself with caro. It was a long time ago. It only matters to the dead now. Not the living." With that she went to the counter where she had a cake to bring out for dessert. 

"Ma? Can't you tell me?" She half-smiled. "Raymondo. Maybe some day. But not today. Come on. Let's go back to the family. I'm sure your boyfriend could use your help fending off your sister by now." She smiled at the double- take and surprise on her son's face at the teasing insightful remark that she knew of his relationship with Fraser. It had the desired effect she wanted... Ray was no longer asking her about something that she didn't want him messed up in. 

Ray spluttered. "You know?" She shook her head. "Si. And we're going to have a little *talk* about it later Raymondo Carmine Vecchio. You, me and Benton." Ray cringed at the thought and knew that whenever she used his full name, he was in for a long lecture about some wrong doing or another. 

******************************** 

The talk the three of them had had was a mix of good and bad. The bad being that his mother kept reminding them it was a sin to have the kind of relationship they had and that it would be best if it stopped. When they told her that it wouldn't, she'd been saddened by it. 

Ray had been touched by - and could see that his mother had been too - when Fraser confessed to her that he truly loved Ray and would stand by him, no matter what, in this life and beyond. Ray echoed this with his own words to the same effect. 

Ray believed their empassioned confessions helped so that his mother didn't reject them outright, because she could see that they did care for each other deeply. She told them she'd pray for them both and for Ray to do the same. She promised to keep their secret, out of fear for them, knowing that the path they chose wasn't an easy one. 

The good had come when they all rose to leave. She'd gone to Ben's side, "I love my son very much. He's been hurt before by those who have claimed they loved him. But for you he's giving more than his life... he's giving up his spiritual fate. I don't take that lightly. So you'd better be sure that you love him. I'm holding you to your promise Benton." Ben had given her his most sincere look. "I've never been more certain of anything. I do love him and I intend to honor my promise and your son." She tried to smile through her tears, "Welcome to the family.". She embraced him briefly as she kissed his cheek, then hurried out of the room. 

In the privacy of the room afterwards, Ray had moved to confront his lover. He slipped his arms comfortably around Ben's waist, running his hands lightly up and down his spine. Feeling Ben's hands come around him as well. 

He'd looked him straight in those cool blue eyes. "You really meant those things you said to my mother?" Fraser teased, "No. I just didn't want her to know the truth." Ray grinned, "Oh and what's that?" Fraser gave him a wicked look. "That you're my love slave." They'd laughed at that. "That I am. Man I love ya Benny." Ben had gotten serious then. "To answer your question truthfully. Of course I meant what I told your mother. Never more serious about anything in my whole life. I'm not catholic, but that doesn't mean I don't respect your beliefs Ray. If there is an afterlife for us both, then I want to be wherever you are." They'd kissed passionately then, sealing with it promises voiced and those not needing to be said out loud. 

************************************** 

Two days later, Ray, with Fraser in tow, entered the Vecchio home, and ran into Mrs Vecchio dressed in black looking ready to leave. They said their helloes. Afterwards Fraser stated compassionately. "I'm sorry for your loss Mrs Vecchio." Ray looked at his lover peculiarly that he'd say such a thing and then turned towards his mother. Fraser was right, she did look like she was in mourning, perhaps going to a funeral. Ray looked worried, especially since he couldn't recall hearing the news of any of their friends or family dying, afraid maybe he callously forgot. "Ma? Who died?" She looked trapped. "I was just going to Giangrasso's funeral service. He has no one. I felt it was right that I should attend at the very least. He shouldn't be buried with no one in attendance, even if it isn't a proper religious burial since he was a suicide." 

Ray was amazed at how good his mother could be that she would do this. He volunteered to go with her, as did Fraser. She tried to brush them off, but they wouldn't take no for an answer. At the non-catholic cemetary the coffin was laid to rest with only the three of them in attendance. Mrs Vecchio periodically looked around as if she expected someone else to be there, but no one else came. 

At the end of the brief burial, they walked towards the Riv, with Ray's mother on his arm and Fraser walking near him on his other side. Fraser had nudged Ray at one point trying to signal that he should look behind them to see that someone was getting into another car far behind them. Ray turned his head slightly, trying not to be obvious, but couldn't make out who the person was, because by the time he noticed, the man had practically entered the car already. He'd ask Fraser later what he'd seen, since he could tell that Ben was trying to remain secretive in front of Mrs Vecchio. 

Later at the Vecchio home, when they were alone again, he asked. "So what was with that guy at the cemetary? He stealing flowers or something?" Fraser shook his head. "Did you notice how peculiarly your mother was acting? I don't think she really wanted us there. It was as if there was more going on than what was on the surface. She seemed to be expecting to see someone there. And I believe that *someone* was there. The man getting into that car. From his build and the unique precise way he was walking I think it was Charlie Ianello." 

Ray laughed. "Oh come on Benny. You're reading too much into this and seeing things. My mother doesn't even know Charlie Ianello. So why would she expect to see him at Giangrasso's funeral?" Ben appeared puzzled. "Oh? Sorry Ray. I could have sworn... perhaps you're right." Ray relented slightly, knowing that his friend did have good instincts and senses. "Ma's a good woman. Probably was hoping that someone else would show up to pay respects to Giangrasso. Ok, so maybe you did see Charlie. But its probably just coincidence. There are alot of people buried in that cemetary. If it was Charlie, could be he was there visiting the grave of someone else... I don't want to talk about this any more." He couldn't explain why Ben's suggestion bothered him so much. Maybe it was just the thought of Ben linking his mother to someone he knew was connected to the mob. Or perhaps it was the painful memories he was stirring up by mentioning Charlie Ianello, Frank Zuko's right hand man. Whatever it was he wanted to just forget about it. 

Ben noticed that he was upsetting his lover with his observations and decided it was best to let it drop. He remembered how painful it was any time Ray had anything to do with Frank Zuko. Painful for himself too. 

His introduction to Ray's life time enemy Zuko had been when he and Ray tried to protect the shoemaker Joey Perducci from being killed by Zuko, as an example to other's in the neighborhood not to get the same idea and not pay him protection money. Fraser had been beaten by Charlie and a couple of Zuko's men then. Ray hadn't taken it well and had beaten Zuko up in return and at that time made a deal to save Joey's life. 

He remembered how afraid they'd both been after Ray left that gym. Fraser feared for his own life then, but more for the retaliation Zuko would bring down on Ray. A retaliation that found its form much later in Zuko's involvement in the explosion of the Riv which claimed Detective Louis Gardino's life. Fraser still felt a pang of hurt whenever he'd think about how angry Ray was at him for defending Zuko then. 

It had been around this time he started to realize how much he cared for Ray, beyond their just being friends. Seeing him with Irene Zuko had been especially painful. The depth of Ray's love for Irene was more than he'd ever seen him show for anyone else. Ben had surprised and scared himself when he found that he was jealous of her. 

When she was shot and killed by her brother, Fraser had been the one to comfort Ray. It had been so hard to listen to his friend's grief over someone he'd loved so much. Especially since Fraser was still trying to deal with the new feelings he was having towards Ray and believed then they could never be reciprocated. Feelings he tried to hint around to Ray about much later, such as when they were involved with the incident at St Fortunata's girl school and the discovery of Al Capone's hidden vault there. 

He laughed to himself thinking. *He thinks I take a long time to get a clue about someone interested in me. He took alot longer.* Ray noticed his expression. "Hey, what ya got that smug look for?" Fraser just grinned. "Just recalling how long it took you to figure out I was in love with you." He jabbed his lover playfully on the chest. "Some detective you are." Ray feigned being hurt. "Yeah, well some of us need more of a clue than... what was it you said. 'Kiss me already. You know you want to.' Shocked the hell out of me, when we got stuck in that elevator." Fraser laughed. "Well it did get you motivated to finding us a way out, now didn't it?" 

Ray sighed regretfully. "Foolish me. I thought you only said that to give me incentive to get out of there. Back then I didn't know a good opportunity when it was staring me right in the face. We'll have to go back there some time. I'll make it up to you." Ray began to nuzzle Ben's neck as his lover grinned roguishly, canting his head to the side to receive his lover's attentions there. "Oh don't worry you've made it up to me *many* times since then, but I won't stop you if you want to make it up to me some more." Ray liked this playfulness. It was a side to his lover that still managed to surprise him sometimes, and had the added benefit of proving to him how comfortable Ben felt around him, that he could reveal it. Ray's lips travelled up Ben's chin, moving onward to find a mouth eager to match his in intensity for a kiss. It ended all too soon when they heard someone approach the room they were in. 

*********************************************** 

Fraser felt at home seated at the side chair of Ray's desk in the 27th Precinct. He'd been told by Elaine that Ray had been called to Louise St Laurent's office earlier, but should be back soon. Elaine had asked him if everything was alright, when she'd seen the momentary dark cloud cross his handsome features when she'd told him. He'd recovered well, smiling his thanks to her and telling her that he was concerned Louise would keep Ray an excessively long time. Elaine had laughed. "Not if I know Ray. He'll find any kind of opening or make one to get out of there. Especially since they're no longer dating. Never really knew what he saw in her. She was always so nasty to him... and you." Ben didn't confess to Elaine that he knew the answer to that. 

When they first became lovers, the question of Louise had come up between them, since Ray had to break up with her to be with Ben. Ray confessed to him then that he had been feeling certain things, beyond that of friendship, towards Ben that had disturbed him ever since Victoria. Louise was a diversion from and helped him deny what he didn't want to admit to himself. He'd pursued Louise with vigor then, not ever really intending to catch her, just the pursuit of a woman was enough at the time. He'd been just as surprised as everyone else when he actually caught her. His dating her was his way to reaffirm to himself that he was interested in women and not in a man. He was mistaken. 

Ever since last week, when Ben had seen Charlie at the cemetary, something had been bothering him. He felt certain that he was right about his belief there was something more going on than just a suicide. Ray had let him read the coroner's report as promised, but nothing there pointed to foul play. Ben had visited with Mr Mustafi to get more insight into their neighbor. From Mustafi he'd learned of Giangrasso's gambling problems. That he'd been a wealthier man at one time. Nice home in the suburbs with a wife and kids, but they'd left him years ago. His gambling and drinking had been his down fall. But when Mustafi knew him, the man was trying to straighten out his life, like someone who looked back with regrets, having hit rock bottom and was clawing his way back up. 

Fraser decided to play a hunch as he walked over to Elaine's desk. "Excuse me Elaine?" She turned her head from her computer screen to smile over at him. "Yes Fraser?" He asked as politely as he could. "I would like to ask you a favor. I will understand if you can't grant it. However, it is important to me." Elaine tried to reign in her excitement that he was going to *owe her* a favor. "What can I help you with?" He considered his next words carefully. "You must keep this from Ray." She nodded her assent to this condition. 

"Would you be willing to get me information on Ernesto Giangrasso and Charlie Ianello, especially where it may intersect with Ray's father Carmine Vecchio?" Elaine considered his request. "That's a pretty tall order Fraser. You ready to pay for this? My favor in return is you'd have to agree to that charity bachelor auction and fashion show I'm helping to organize. You've already turned me down once. Is this favor worth the cost?" He closed his eyes briefly and swallowed. She wanted to laugh at the pained reaction he gave her, but managed somehow to hold it in. 

She knew there were many women who felt the same way as she did towards him. He was very handsome and sweet and she knew that with him as a participant at the auction, they were guaranteed a large sum towards their charity. She herself would be willing to donate quite a bit for a chance at a date with him. Elaine realized she could have made her favor a date instead, but she didn't want to scare him off. Besides this way he'd see what a humanitarian she was and maybe that would help in her chances of ever winning him over as a boyfriend. 

He still hadn't answered her. "So? Is it a deal?" He nodded reluctantly. "Yes. I'll honor my part of this deal. You have my word on it." With that he shook her hand formally to seal it. "Ok, I'll dig up what I can and get back to you. Oh and our first rehearsal is in two weeks. You'll need to tell me your clothes and shoe size. The fashion people need to know." 

Of course Ray would pick just that moment to walk in. "Fashion people need to know what?" Ray smacked him on the arm when he read his friend's embarassed expression. He couldn't help but tease him. "You vain rogue. So Elaine finally got ya to join that bachelor thing didn't she?" Then he turned with sudden realization. "Hey Elaine. How come ya didn't ask me to join?" 

She laughed as Ray playfully did some poses for her. "Because your reputation precedes you Ray." Ray looked deflated. "What's that supposed to mean? I'm well known for my charm and gentlemanly behavior with women. Just ask anyone." Overhearing their conversation Huey added "Should we ask Louise? Or maybe Martha down in records? Then there's Patty in the motor pool..." Ray glared over at him. "Hey! Who asked you! Elaine just please tell me you didn't ask big mouth over there and I'll be able to sleep nights." She laughed. "Sorry Vecchio, he's been roped in too." Ray feigned being wounded. "Ouch! You really know how to hurt a guy Elaine. You still expect me to work the door and Frannie to do catering right?" She nodded. "You got it.", he responded good naturedly back. 

To his still confused friend. "Come on stud let's get out of here before she snags you into doing her party for Lisa in Vice. Lisa's getting married ya know and Elaine's her maid of honor." Fraser looked puzzled. Elaine looked surprised at Ray's knowing about her joking remark on the phone to another friend about a male stripper for the party, hopefully one that looked like Fraser. She had joked that maybe it could even *be* Fraser. "You eavesdropped..." He stared her down. "Don't even try. He'd turn a permanent shade of red like his uniform." They left then. Fraser whispered. "What was that all about?" Ray mouthed over. "I'll demonstrate for you later. " 

She watched them go, noticing once again how for two people seeming so different, they appeared to naturally fit together as friends. She envied Ray that closeness to Fraser. Fraser never looked that comfortable with anyone else. She turned back to her computer screen, finished up her prior task then set out to fulfill her part of the favor. 

************************************** 

Ben had debated with himself all day, how he would approach Ray about this. With a slight sigh he decided the moment was as right as it would ever be, so he decided to discuss this now, while Ray lay content in his arms, with Ben's hands running up and down his spine. 

This puzzle he was trying to put together was still missing too many pieces. He needed Ray's help if he were ever to see the whole picture. However he already knew his lover's mind on this topic he was about to broach and feared the reaction he'd get. 

He steeled his nerve and began with "Ray?" There was movement, a shifting, as Ray's head turned to gaze towards him. "Yeah?" Ben started to lose his resolve, thinking he should wait until morning to ask, but regained it when he recalled once again some of the disturbing things he'd read in the reports Elaine had given him to peruse earlier today. It had taken her a week to gather all the information she could, since most of it had been archived. He'd found some glaringly bad reporting done on the traffic report about the car accident which claimed the lives of Ray's father and brother. 

He'd been given a very small report on Charlie Ianello, but there was nothing in it to connect him to Carmine. It had only misdemeanors, that never stuck, and not much else to show that this man was connected and an advisor to the powerful Zuko crime family. Charlie had managed to stay one step ahead of the law somehow. 

Elaine had somehow finagled a copy of Giangrasso's personal profile. There were quite a few notations about personal troubles involving alcohol and gambling. He'd been given a forced early retirement as well. There had been a small report that hinted of a connection between Carmine and Giangrasso having worked together. 

Ray needed to know his suspicions, he couldn't keep this knowledge to himself, since he believed that he had only just scratched the surface. 

He must have been lost in thought for too long, because Ray moved to lift himself off Ben and lay on his side, with his full attention on Ben's face. "You ok Benny? Ya got real quiet all of a sudden. I thought you wanted to ask me something?" Ben grasped the hand that had started to caress him, as he stared sincerely and intently at Ray. "Ray, I don't ever want to do anything to intentionally upset you. You do realize this don't you?" Ray furrowed his brow looking over at him suspiciously. "Something tells me I'm not gonna like what you're about to tell me... I'll make you a promise. Just say whatever it is. If I think I'm gonna get angry or upset, I'll get up, get dressed and then go for a walk until I calm down again. Once I have, I'll come back." 

Ben hesitated momentarily, thought over the proposal and made his decision, nodding his head succinctly. "You remember several months ago you mentioned to me that you had some notebooks belonging to your father? You asked me if I'd read them. Well I'd like to read them now if I may." 

Ray gave him a curious look, and one of reigning in his impatience. "Why Benny?" Ben's eyes and hands tried to convey comfort for what he was about to ask. "Were they dated anywhere around the time of his death?" Ray's expression was changing to one of annoyance, then realization. "Damn it Benny! Your face always gives it away. You been snooping again. Its that thing with Elaine. Should have known you two were up to something." Ben appeared shamefaced. "I'm sorry Ray. But yes she has gotten me certain information which pertains to your father. Its just..." Ray took a deep calming breath at that moment, then 'Hmmmmed' at the same time as he closed his eyes and lowered his head. When Ben realized what he was doing he was both amused and worried - amused that Ray remembered the calming technique he'd taught him when they had been strapped together with the Bolt Brother's explosives - worried, because Ray had felt he needed to resort to this. 

Ray opened his eyes again and spoke. "Ok I'm listening again." Ben began again. "I have reason to believe... based on some definite discrepancies on the accident report... I'm so sorry Ray... I believe your father and brother's deaths weren't an accident." Ben watched his lover's face closely with concern. Ray's eyes said so much, too much, at that moment. All at once they began registering shock, anger, pain and sadness. 

Ben stood by helplessly, having been given prior warning, as Ray didn't speak a single word, just rose from the bed. Then did as he said and dressed, all the while Ben entreated him to stay and talk with him. Offered to walk with him, but Ray just shook his head no. Ben saw the door close after his lover and as he lay there waiting, he prayed that Ray would keep his word and return. 

Ray didn't return back to the apartment the rest of the night or the next morning either. It was Ben's day off, which Ray was aware of. Ray didn't have to go to work until later that day. 

Figuring it would be safe to leave for an hour around noon, Ben had gone to help one of his elderly neighbor's he'd promised to pick up groceries for. When he'd returned from his errand, he found that he had a guest. Ray had let himself in and was seated with his shoulders slumped, looking defeated and miserable at the kitchen table. He was still dressed as he'd been when he left, he hadn't shaved yet and he appeared to have not slept since then either. Ben's heart went out to him and he just wanted to hold him and make all the hurt he saw in those lost vulnerable eyes go away. He rapidly approached Ray and enveloped him in his arms from behind, kissing his temple. Whispering to him reassuringly. "Its going to be ok. We'll get through this... together." Ray still hadn't spoken. Ben hadn't heard a word from him since before he left last night, but Ben was reassured Ray heard and understood him when he felt Ray's head pressed against him nodding. 

There was a metal strong box on the kitchen table in front of Ray. Ben had briefly noticed it earlier, but now his attention was called to it again, when he saw Ray's trembling hands opening it. Still engulfed in his arms, Ben could feel the fine tremors telegraphed from Ray's body to his own. All the while Ben lent him whatever support he could, whether it was endearments or a soothing touch of his hand stroking him. 

Ben could see a few of the items within the box now. Inside was kept more than just notebooks. There were other things revealed as well. There were a number of police mementoes. He could see covered partly by other things, what must have been his father's badge. There were several pictures. Part of one he could make out was very old of a graduating class of police officers. He couldn't help but smile when his eyes caught a glimpse of another photo, that being a very young Ray, in uniform, looking like he was fresh out of the academy himself. 

One of Ben's hands reached over to take that picture to look at closely. "You look very handsome in your uniform Ray. You should have to wear it more often." That got a smile and chuckle from his friend. "Yeah well, maybe I'll wear it special for you more often." Ben smirked. "You wouldn't happen to have one in red would you?" Ray laughed. "No, thank god." Ben teased. "That's too bad. I suppose blue will just have to do." Ray turned to kiss him briefly then. "Thanks Benny." 

Ray grew quiet again, then softly spoke as he lifted out the notebooks from the box to place on the table. "I've already read them. When I left last night, I drove around a little while, thinking about what you said. When I got home I read them. I *had* to read them." Ben sat down in the chair next to Ray, moving in close to him, holding on to his hand in both of his. "I'm so sorry Ray." 

Ray started to get angry, but it was an anger directed at himself. "What kind of detective am I? What kind of son? Man I was so blind. I should have known. I should have seen something. Why didn't I see it sooner?... I didn't tell you everything about that night." 

Ben sat still and felt Ray's hands shaking within the comforting grasp of his own. "Tell me Ray. I want to help." Ray swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. "After we fought. I went over to my partner Laurie's place. I just needed to get away. My dad tracked me there. Called me. He *never* called me. Should have been my first clue, hunh? He tried to talk to me. Said he needed to talk to me. To meet him. I barely listened to what he said. I blew him off and hung up. He tried calling again, but I took the phone off the hook, after it rang for a while. Oh god. I read where... where he talked about that day. He needed my help Benny. He didn't trust anyone any more. But he said he knew he could trust me." Ben gathered Ray into his arms, when he saw how hard it was getting for him to talk. "Oh Benny I let him down. He never asked for my help before. It feels... it feels like I killed him Benny. Like I killed them both." 

******************************************* 

Ben practically carried an exhausted Ray from his seat at the kitchen table to the bed in the other room. He gently undressed his fast asleep friend and placed him under the covers. After kissing his forehead he headed back to the kitchen, where he began rummaging through the box Ray had brought over. Soon after, through the journals left behind, he was introduced at last to the man who had been Ray's father. Who he hoped would give him insight into a piece of the story that was missing. 

As Ray slept Ben read. Carmine Vecchio was a man of few words in his writings. They were unlike the journals of Robert Fraser, which Ben had read. Where Ben's father wrote long descriptive narratives on his day-to-day experiences. Carmine's writings weren't so much a journal as quick jotted notes here and there. Early into the notebook, Fraser reached into the box to take out an old police photograph of Carmine Vecchio and studied it for a while. He could definitely see Ray's resemblance to this man. Ray even had that 'look' sometimes. The one Ben classified in his mind as the 'don't bother me' look. 

All the hodge podge of notes and random thoughts started to form a pattern of a man who tripped into bigger trouble than he could handle alone. The problem started with Carmine suspecting corruption in his precinct. He'd gone to a superior to report his concerns and in turn was sent to speak with Internal Affairs. He was given Ernesto Giangrasso as his contact in IA. Carmine spoke briefly about being disappointed as to who his contact was, since Ernesto was an ex-friend of Carmine's. Carmine didn't say exactly why he was classified as such. They'd gone through the police academy together, but apparently had a falling out over something a couple of years later. It was just hinted at that Ernesto's choice of 'friends' to stand by left alot to be desired. 

The notes that followed gradually sounded reassured about Ernesto's involvement in the case, since the initial meetings had gone better than Carmine expected. That the man had learned from his 'mistakes in judgement' and was eager for Carmine to help him clean up the precinct. There was even a vague reference about if it hadn't been for Ernesto, Carmine wouldn't have Silvia and Tony in his life. Ben was puzzled by this remark and flagged it in his mind as something he may potentially want to ask Mrs Vecchio about at a convenient time, if ever. 

Ben continued to read brief notes on how Carmine was used as a double agent for IA. The plan being he would infiltrate the corrupt organization of cops to find the head of this group. He was excited at first about being involved in the take down of dirty cops. Something he despised. Especially when he started to see their goings on first hand. He began to detail things that he was now a witness to: beatings, thefts, manipulations, embezzlements and other blatant abuses of police empowerment for selfish ends. As time passed in the journal entries, Ben could see the toll this undercover work was taking on Carmine. His style of writing was becoming increasingly more and more sarcastic and bitter. There was a note at one point lamenting what kind of police force his son Ray was inheritting. Talked about how he wanted Ray off the force, because he didn't want Ray tainted by what he was seeing. That he'd had a few fights over this with him, telling his son things like Ray wasn't cut out for the police and other garbage, to hide why he really wanted him off the force. Carmine regretted his tactics with his son, but seemed proud at the same time about how Ray stubbornly held his ground, which just made Carmine worry for him more. Ben remembered now how, early in their friendship, Ray hinted to him that his father didn't have confidence in his abilities as a cop and also let him know that his father didn't like cops. Now Ben was starting to understand why and felt that Ray did too. 

In Ben's opinion, from what he read so far, he felt that Internal Affairs had kept Carmine undercover for too long. He'd been stuck in the position of double agent for over a year. In that time he'd been involved deeply with some of the dirtier goings-on. There was alot of self-disgust for some of the things he did or let happen for the good of the investigation, or so he thought. He was starting to get discouraged, because after all the time he'd been involved, there still hadn't been enough to get the head of the corruption... Carlo Zuko, Frank Zuko's father. Ben sucked in a shuddering breath at the revelation. He felt a pang of sympathy for Ray, who he knew had read this earlier. The Vecchios and Zukos apparently were family enemies alot longer than just with Ray and Frankie as kids. This was a cross generational hatred as well. 

Alternately throughout the year, Carmine would sound enthusiastic that he'd finally gotten enough on Zuko to take him down. But afterwards there would be disappointed notes about how each time he'd gotten close, but something would always happen to mess it up. Times for illegal meetings that Carmine would report would suddenly have changed so that he was left to look the fool when he'd get a team together and nothing happened. Other instances were of evidence that he'd acquired amazingly disappearing, hence the take down would disappear. 

Carmine couldn't put up with it any more, especially when he started to realize his reputation as a good cop had been damaged. He was beginning to hear rumors about himself and was disgusted at what he'd become to these people. He noted that he prayed Ray hadn't heard the rumors, because he couldn't stand the thought of Ray thinking he was a dirty cop or that Ray could be harassed by other cops because of it. Ray had still been a bit of a rookie back then and Carmine seemed very protective and concerned for Ray and how others on the force treated or viewed his son. Carmine, despite his being very hard on Ray and trying to dissuade him from police work, overall seemed to be proud of him. 

Strange notes started to show up which referred to his worry for Silvia's reputation and fear for his family started to show up in his writings now. Something must have happened to trigger this, but Ben couldn't see any reference to what that could have been. There was a long gap in time between entries after this. 

The next entry took up almost a month later, about a forced early retirement. Said again he was worried for his family and himself, so it was time to get out. The police force wasn't the same any more. Ben shivered at the next entry which discussed how Carmine had been given a 'message' from some thugs who he suspected belonged to Zuko. They knew he had too much information on them. Carmine remarked that they didn't know the half of it, since he had something hidden in a safe place for self-protection should the need arise. He never said what it was though in the notebook. He had gotten so paranoid at that point that he didn't even trust IA any more. He stored the mystery item in a box, which only one other person knew the location of, but didn't know what was in the box. 

Carmine said that the message he'd been given was along the lines of it would be in his best interest if he kept what he knew to himself. If there was even the slightest suspicion that he leaked something he would feel the consequences. Carmine quoted them. "... because young idealistic cops sometimes meet with accidents. Maybe they get lured into a false call. Maybe they don't get back-up when they need it. Maybe they get caught in 'friendly fire'." To prove their point they relayed a story about one such cop and his female partner's afternoon. The female partner had been hit by a car driven by her partner due to a series of mishaps that could have been avoided if backup had ever gotten there on time. When Carmine had gone home that evening he'd found out the story was true and had involved his son and Laurie. That decided it for him. He'd contacted Giangrasso and had gotten them to agree to release him and give him an early retirement package. He'd served his time and they owed him and as payment he wanted a smooth way out. 

There was almost a two year gap in the journal entries after that. Then there was a worried note hastily written in regards to an old friend's apparent suicide. Carmine suspected foul play and was furious. This friend had confided to a retired Carmine a month earlier that he feared for his life, because he'd stumbled onto something fishy going on in the evidence room where he worked. He believed there was a drug ring operating out of their precinct. He'd noticed some unusual discrepancies in the log reports. Certain drug related items were logged in, but when visually checked for they weren't there or something else was substituted in its place, to make it look like a log in error. But too many of these login errors seemed to be occuring. 

Carmine had confided in this friend that he was also aware of corruption on the force and advised his friend to report his suspicions to IA, but warned that it hadn't done him any good, except to give him an early retirement. 

Shortly after this entry, about one week later, Carmine said he wasn't normally a paranoid man, but he got the strange feeling that he was being watched. He was very on edge because of it. He'd arranged it so that he sent Silvia and the girls to Florida, without their ever really suspecting that he was trying to get them away out of fear. He'd wanted Tony and Ray to go too, but Tony when asked to join the family on the trip had refused on the grounds he had seminary studies he couldn't break away from. Carmine didn't even ask Ray, he let Silvia do it, but he knew Ray wouldn't go and was right. Said Ray was a work-a-holic and out to save the world, even if it would get the 'fool' killed. 

The following day there was a note about wanting help. He knew he wasn't paranoid when he narrowly avoided being purposely hit by a car that afternoon. When that had happened he resolved to talk to Ray, when they went to the game that night, and get his help. He kicked himself when he bungled it by picking a fight with his son when he got home. A really stupid one, that he figured he'd gotten into because he subconsciously didn't want Ray involved in this mess and out of pride that he didn't like to ask for help. Mentioned how Ray had stormed out of the house and gone to his partner's house to cool down. When Carmine called there he remarked that Ray wouldn't talk to him. He'd hung up on him and wouldn't answer the phone after that. 

There was an entry speaking of his going to visit Tony then, but he wasn't too sure what he'd say to him. Wondered if he'd tell him anything about it, but doubted he would. He really had wanted to talk to Ray instead. Ben came to the final words of the notebook now: 

"I hate getting Ray messed up in this. Probably why, like a dope, I got us into that fight. He's a good, smart kid and I know I can trust him. The only one on the force I know, without a doubt, I can trust. Problem is he's too much like me. Silvia calls him my shadow. If she's right, then I know by tomorrow the hot head will have cooled down. I'll talk to him then." 

No wonder Ray felt so much guilt now thought Ben as he closed the book. Ben knew all too well from the accident report he'd read that Ray and his father never got that chance to talk. He'd be dead that night. 

Ben's heart went out to the man sleeping fitfully on his bed. He knew all too well what it felt like to have one's father murdered by a corrupt police force... one that had at once been a matter of pride for their fathers. Ben rubbed tired sore eyes, caused by long hours reading by lantern light. With a yawn he stretched, then rose from the chair he'd been sitting in. He sleepily peeled off his flannel shirt and slipped off his sneakers and jeans. In just his boxers he moved towards the bed. Not wanting to wake his troubled exhausted lover, he slid carefully under the covers. Ray was mumbling and frowning in his sleep, moving about restlessly. 

Ben softly caressed him, hoping his touch would help to calm him, as it had on other occasions when Ray was so worked up. At his touch he calmed somewhat, it was the best he could hope for right now. Before falling asleep Ben placed a kiss on his lover's cheek, whispering afterwards. "I promise we'll find the bastards who did this Ray." 

He was glad Ray had told him that he'd called in earlier to the precinct, before he came over to Ben's, to tell them he was taking a sick day. Ray was going to need this day to rest, they both were, because Ben felt they would have their work cut out for them trying to solve this case. 

Ben's biggest worry as he began to drift off to sleep was Ray's hot temper. He recalled how he himself had felt when he discovered that Gerard was Robert Fraser's murderer. He was enraged and wanted nothing more than to kill Gerard with his bare hands. Instead he just left Gerard in the cold wilderness with Eric's bullet in him, while he raced with Ray on the dogsled, to get Diefenbaker medical help first. Ben had entertained thoughts of leaving Gerard out there, never returning to help him get medical attention. Letting him die out there, like Gerard had left his father. Sometimes he thought he should have. In that way he wouldn't have had to deal with him again, when Gerard was on the loose that second time. 

He prayed his lover wouldn't do anything rash, when they found the culprits who murdered Ray's father and brother. However, if he did, then Ben would love and stand by him no matter what. He decided then, moving in close to mold himself to Ray, there was nothing he wouldn't do for this man. 

******************************* 

The Vecchio home was amazingly quiet, too quiet thought Ray as he and Fraser entered. The door had been unlocked and open on this spring day, so he knew someone must be home. He catalogued his family's whereabouts for the day. Franny he recalled had a catering job, then a skin care products show that evening at a friend's house. Tony and Maria had taken the kids to an amusement park and wouldn't be home for a couple of hours if Ray and Ben were lucky. So where then was his mother? Ray called out as he and Fraser made their way through the downstairs. "Ma? Where are you?" There was a muffled distant "On the porch Raymondo." 

Fraser and Ray followed the voice and the instruction, which led them to the large back porch. Mrs Vecchio was there shelling peas. Ray approached her and noticing her head canted so her cheek was signaling - as she usually did when he came or left home - to kiss it. He automatically did and then sat next to her. "Hi ma." She smiled a welcome at him "Hello caro." and then looked at Ben and gave him a signal as well. But this time she took her finger and tapped her cheek. 

Ben had been hanging back near the door. "Hello Benton." He smiled happily at her and did as she silently commanded and placed a chaste hesitant kiss on her cheek. He'd witnessed the silent unspoken ritual Ray went through by kissing her cheek many times before. It was a given. But until today Ben had never been forced to do this as well. He was amused and touched by her extending the gesture to him. Only Ray, he observed, was part of this ritual before. He truly felt like she accepted him as part of her family now ... as if he were another son. "Good afternoon Mrs Vecchio." 

She pretended mock insult with a stern look then followed it shortly thereafter with a light laugh. "Benton. Stop calling me Mrs Vecchio. Call me ma." Ray was beaming at this honor his mother was bestowing on Ben. Ray leaned over from his chair next to her and kissed her again whispering. "Grazie mama." She laughed and teased conspiratorally with Ben, at having gotten another kiss to her cheek. "See. Now I've gone and confused him Benton. He thinks that second signal was for him. When you and I know it was for you. You two are here early for dinner?" 

While she spoke Ben sat on the other side of the bench she was sitting on. Without being asked and expected to, but because he was Fraser, he had taken a portion of the peas and began shelling them along with her. She noticed and smiled. "Thank-you Benton. Raymondo you hold on tight to this one." Ray laughed and nodded. "Yes maam. I intend to." She grew serious. "So, tell me. Why so early? Its not just to help me with the peas now is it?" 

Ray shook his head and then grabbed onto her hand before she could reach for another pea pod. "No ma, it isn't. We need to talk to you. I... ya know I'd never want to do anything to hurt ya." She nodded and furrowed her brow, worried by where her son may be leading this conversation. "Caro? What's wrong? Tell me." 

She registered the silent communication and body language Ben and Ray were giving each other. Ben had shut his eyes briefly and nodded as if to say 'its ok, just come right out and tell her.' 

Ray's eyes changed to worried and fearful she noted, then he coughed lightly once and spoke. "Ma, um, I recently read some things which lead me to believe that pop's and ... um... Tony's deaths... It wasn't an accident ma." 

A deft Fraser caught the bowl of peas from falling on the floor. "Mrs Ve... ah... ma. Are you alright?" She nodded dumbly and tried to regain her voice, which came out strained and trembling slightly. "Oh dear god. What? What makes you say that caro? It... it was an accident. Of course it was an accident." 

Ray's eyes spoke volumes and he looked down suddenly at the old hand which had seen much hard work in her days. He rubbed at it gently. "No. It wasn't. Benny... we read the accident report... its got so many inconsistencies its pathetic. Then there's..." he swallowed at the tightness constricting his throat. "... I read some journals of pop's I found hidden in my room. I'm... I'm sorry ma. It wasn't an accident. I should've seen it back then. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I didn't do anything about it sooner. But we're gonna fix that now." 

She reached over with her free hand and tilted his face so that he was forced to look into her strong green eyes. Eyes which mirrored his own. With a forceful commanding tone. "Caro. It *was* an accident. Leave it alone. Please. Leave it be." Ray startled. This wasn't the reaction he thought he'd get from her. 

Fraser picked up on it too and surprised them both by interrupting. "You knew didn't you?" Ray glared over at him and hissed at his lover. "Of course she didn't know. She would have..." He watched her face, not liking what he read there. "Ma?" Sadly, not wanting to hear her say otherwise. "You... you didn't know. Tell him you didn't know." She was silent and with her silence and her expression Ray knew she couldn't answer that question the way he wanted so desperately to hear. 

Fraser asked gently. "When did you know? Did your husband confide his worries to you?" She whirled on him, but not angrily but in a way that had her amazed all over again, how perceptive this man was. "My husband didn't tell me... not in words... he didn't want to worry me and the children. But I knew him well enough to read that he was concerned about our safety. I suspected he was in trouble some time before he was forced into an early retirement. He loved the police force. He'd served proudly for almost 30 years. But in the last year or so he grew so bitter and hateful. So untrusting of everyone. He'd changed. I thought it would get better when he retired, and for a while it was. Then two years into his retirement he was like a coiled spring ready to snap. He sent us away to visit my sister in Florida. That was the last I saw of him, until Raymondo called us home." She had choked up a little at the end and Ray had moved protectively closer, still fastened to her hand. 

Fraser nodded and asked to Ray's surprise once more. "There's more isn't there? You know who killed them don't you?" She tilted her head and pursed her lips, her teary eyes pleading with him to stop on his mission to uncover the truth. Ray, ever his mother's protector, was fuming at Ben, when he saw that his mother was on the verge of tears. In a low voiced anger at his lover he snapped out nastily. "Damn you Fraser! Stop badgering her! She doesn't know!" Fraser's hurt expression wasn't missed by Mrs Vecchio, who hated to be the cause of what she saw as a rift forming between the two lovers. A rift being brought out because of her. 

With a gentle squeeze to Ray's hand she moved it to place on top of Ben's. "Raymondo, he's right caro." She closed her eyes briefly and a tear fell. "If I tell you. You must both promise me... promise me... it ends here. Its over. The war is over. I never wanted you..." She caressed Ray's cheek lovingly "... or any of my children, tainted by its ugliness. I tried so hard to put it behind me. Its claimed too many that I loved. You must swear that what I tell you remains between us and is never spoken of again. Do you swear?" 

Ray looked at her incredulously and nodded, almost afraid to hear what she would say, but he knew whatever it was that she had to tell, he needed to know. "I swear mama." Fraser caught her eyes and sincerely added his own promise to keep what he would be told to himself. 

************************** 

Many years earlier... 

Seventeen year old Silvia Calabrese was startled awake when a hand clamped down on her mouth so that she couldn't scream. Her body convulsed and she struggled slightly. Sleep deprived eyes snapped open and her breathing became accelerated and harsh. In the dark she couldn't make out the figure by her bedside right away. In her ear a strong but fearful sounding familiar voice whispered. "Shhhh. Cara. Its mama. We have to leave." 

The hand gradually came away from her mouth and her sleep fogged mind registered that it was indeed her mother. Her heart rate increased in fear. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. She didn't talk back and did as she was commanded. Spurred on by fear. Quickly dressing and grabbing up an emergency suitcase that was always in her closet. The entire process took no more than a couple of minutes. She met her mother at the door of her sister Cecilia's room next door. Her sister had been rousted from bed as she had been and hurriedly dressed. 

Their mother handed them each a coat as they went downstairs rapidly. Quietly she spoke to them both. "Come. We don't have much time. Remember what papa told us if there was an emergency? If we get split up?" Both girls chimed in as if this escape plan had been drilled into them - which it had. Their father never left anything to chance. Especially where it concerned his family's well being. "We go to the synagogue. Speak only to Rabbi Goldstein. He'll see we're protected." 

The fearful mother was pleased by their response and nodded, trying to give them each a reassuring smile. Hearing them repeat it, was something that she knew would save their lives. "Good. Let's go." She was in the lead, listening intently and making them move quietly down the stairs, as if she feared someone else was in the house with them who shouldn't be. 

Mrs Calabrese didn't fool herself. She knew what her husband Raymondo Calabrese did for a living. It was a dangerous living and the cause for her fear and her family's flight from their home now. He was a soldier. At one time a soldier for God and country, in a war over seas. But when he'd come home he followed in his father's footsteps and was a soldier in a different kind of war. One born out of the traditions of their shared Italian heritage. Carlotta Calabrese heard the sharp intake of breath, a gasp, from her fifteen year old daughter as they entered the light muted living room. 

Her father-in-law Alfredo Calabrese, a man in his mid- seventies, a retired soldier, with pistol in hand was using it to push at the drapes somewhat so he could peer outside. He may have been old, and he may look frail, but those enemies who underestimated him had found out too late how strong the old man truly was. They didn't live to regret their mistake. At her approach he called over in a low voice, speaking solely in Italian. "Its been quiet. I don't think the boys were followed. But they will come. The bastards will come. We must hurry." 

On the couch were two young men. One was the nineteen year old Ianello boy, who had no family of his own. He'd been orphaned years earlier and was a ward of the state for most of his life. In school he'd befriended the eighteen year old boy who was lying bleeding on the Calabrese's couch. Charlie had practically carried the injured boy here and delivered her husband's message. 

Raymondo Calabrese was a high ranking soldier. The personal body guard of Don Fernando DiCarlo. According to Charlie, who had been at the home of one of Astoria New York's most powerful 'families' when it had been attacked tonight, her husband had done his duty admirably by his Don. He'd been with the man when the ambush had occurred, being injured himself in the process. He managed to fend off for a while those who meant to kill his boss. But they'd overpowered him and the Don had been mortally wounded. The Don's heir, the young Giuseppe, who had also been wounded as well, had entered the secret room where his father lay dying, his lieutenant Calabrese fighting to go to his side. The boys had come into the room hoping to escape the slaughter through an emergency route there. Their escape route only had them meet the deadliest of the assassins there. 

Charlie praised Calabrese, stating that the Don had commanded with his final breath that he turn his attention to ensuring the protection of his son. Charged with this duty, Calabrese had managed to break free of those holding and torturing him and came to the protection of Giuseppe. Calabrese, with Charlie's help had managed to kill the two assasins who had broken through to DiCarlo's secret room, but in the process he'd been seriously wounded himself. 

With those enemies dead, Calabrese devised a plan to create a diversion to cover Charlie and Giuseppe's trail and if he could he would meet up with them later, but that none of them should wait for him. He commanded Ianello to go to the Calabrese home with Giuseppe. That he was to give Carlotta the message. 'Te amo. Its time to visit the pope.' That this secret encoded message would be enough to let her know that she would need to take them all to a safe haven that he'd set up for them. 

The unique signal had been enough for her to trust the two young men at her doorstep in the middle of the night. As soon as she had let the boys into her home when Charlie said the words - she'd been moved by the additional ones telling her he loved her - she had put her husband's escape plan into action. The all out 'war' her husband had known for several weeks was coming between the DiCarlo's and Caravalo's had now arrived. 

The two most powerful family's in Queen's were at the peak of their war over territory and power. No one of the DiCarlo's or their aligned family's, like the Calabrese's, would be allowed to survive if assassins had found their way into the DiCarlo's well guarded home. There must have been some double agents she surmised. The belief that the Caravalo's knew which family's were in tight with the DiCarlo's spurred her on. They wouldn't be allowed to survive. 

She kept a strong front for her children, this strength also allowed her to take on the duty that had been her husband's which now, out of honor to him and their own family, had been passed on to her... protect the heir of the DiCarlo empire. 

She would grieve for her husband and the other members of their family later. Now all that mattered was keeping those with her alive to grow strong again and live to fight another day. The Caravalo's would see retribution for the bloody deeds enacted on this day. They would pay for her husband's death - she was certain he was dead, he would fight until death she knew - she would see he was avenged. His death would not be for nothing. She would ensure the survival of Giuseppe DiCarlo, even if it meant her own death in the end. 

They exited the Calabrese home through the back and headed towards the garage. Charlie and Carlotta half carried half dragged Giuseppe. Her brave Silvia took the lead, in one hand was a gun her grandfather gave her and in her other hand she held that of her sister's. Cecilia stood behind her panicked at even the slightest sound, but trying hard to stay quiet. Alfredo took the rear guard. 

It was as they approached the garage, that an attack had come. Silvia's keen eyes spotted a motion at the side of the building and she halted her family behind her, calling out sharply. "They're here!" It happened then quickly. The first man was running towards them and Silvia just closed her eyes and shot, catching him full in the chest. Hearing him cry out in pain and then opening her shocked eyes, she watched him writhe in agony as he died by her hand. 

The other man had stepped back in surprise having underestimated the young girl, not expecting her to have shot out like that. Her grandfather was at her side, calling out to the other assailant. "That's far enough!" Whispering in an aside to those with him, he commanded them all to enter the garage which was already opened. He'd opened the door earlier in anticipation of their having to escape this way. They moved quickly into the car, not looking but hearing another gunshot ring out, knowing that another had met his fate by Alfredo's hand. The old man quickly joined them and they sped away from the house, Carlotta driving. Cecilia and Alfredo in the front with her, Silvia, with Charlie and Giuseppe in the back. 

Giuseppe rasped over weakly to Silvia, who was shaking and still in shock from the events of the night. He placed his bloodied hand on her trembling one, which still held the gun. He took it from her white knuckled grasp and handed it to Charlie. "You did your father honor back there. You saved our lives. I won't forget." She turned slowly, robotically, to look at him then and caught his pained dark eyes with her own haunted ones. She'd never killed before. Never thought she could and here she'd taken the life of another without a second's hesitation or thought. Granted it was in defense of herself and her family, but being a good catholic the commandment 'Thou shalt not kill' kept ringing loudly in her head now. 

She nodded, coming to a realization. She'd go to hell to protect her family she resolved. If that's what it took then so be it. She responded coolly. A strength she didn't know she had, coming out in her words to him. "I'd do it again to protect my family." He smiled and chuckled lightly at the forced brave tone, but it caused him to cough and wince in pain. 

She noticed then that Charlie with his free hand had been applying pressure to his friend's side with his hand. It was there she noticed the wound was. He must have been shot she figured. Fresh blood was finding its way through Charlie's fingers. Around her neck she had a beautiful scarf that her father had given her for her birthday. She removed it now and balled it up. Her hand went towards Charlie's and she signalled for him to move his hand so she could replace it with her scarf. He did as she wished and she placed the cloth to the wound, keeping her hand and a constant pressure there as well. Giuseppe smiled at her and then lost consciousness again, his head lolling onto Charlie's shoulder. 

Raymondo Calabrese hadn't married a dumb woman. When faced with tonight's life and death events, she kept a level head and as she drove she made sure she wasn't followed. She drove an erratic route, hoping not to find a tail, but if she saw one, they wouldn't be led to her destination if she could help it. It took almost an hour to get to the synagogue in Brooklyn her husband had told them to go to in times of danger. She pulled into the alley next to it and drove to the parking lot behind the building and shut off the lights. She commanded her family to wait and exited the car first. 

Quickly she moved to the small caretakers building in the back corner of the lot. This was the home of Rabbi Goldstein. At the second ring of the doorbell, the resident of the small home opened the door cautiously. He recognized Carlotta and grew concerned to see her at his door so late at night, without his friend, her husband Raymondo at her side. She gestured quickly behind her and briefly explained that a war had broken out between the family's and that they needed his help to get them to safety. 

Only a handful of people realized that Raymondo Calabrese and this jewish man were honor bound friends. Her husband and this man had fought together in the war overseas and in the course of a particulary bad battle, Raymondo had come to save the life of the rabbi before her now. Eli Goldstein had made a vow to his war companion that should the need ever arise, he would do all in his power to repay that debt. Raymondo had held him to that promise by setting him up as the person his family was to go to for protection and was charged with getting them to Chicago and another war friend, who owed him a favor of honor, Franco Giangrasso, who would take them in. 

Rabbi Goldstein honored his friend's wish and took them into his home, including the two non-Calabrese's Charlie and Giuseppe. Carlotta didn't tell him who Giuseppe was. She introduced him as Carlo Zuko. It was best that his true identity be kept secret from everyone who they came in contact with from now on. The Caravalo's must be led to believe they had wiped out the DiCarlo's. For now. 

Rabbi Goldstein knew a little field medicine from his experience in the war and examined Giuseppe, now Carlo, and tended to him. The bullet had passed through him. He did what he could for the eighteen year old, by sanitizing the wound with what he had available to clean it and placed a make shift bandage on him. 

Silvia watched as Charlie was ever at his side, proving to be a loyal friend. She'd known of Charlie and Giuseppe from school. They were all in their senior year together. She hadn't realized the two boys had been friends. She'd learn later that they had only just met and befriended each other that year and had hit it off well, playing basketball together from time to time. It was only dumb luck that he'd been with Giuseppe at his home tonight. Having been invited to join the family for dinner, since Mrs DiCarlo had insisted on meeting this mystery friend of her son's that was always being talked of so highly by him. 

Charlie had watched as Giuseppe came to his mother's aid when the attackers first entered the house. It was while trying to protect his mother that the son had been shot. The bullet which passed through him had gone through her and ended her life. Giuseppe had fought like a mad man then, taking down quite a few of the attackers with Charlie's help. One man he'd broken his neck with his bare hands. 

Two days later found them all in Chicago, having been driven via a dairy truck to their destination. Eli had reported to them before they left that none of the DiCarlos, and the families associated with them, had survived the massacre according to the newspaper reports. All were believed dead that had even the smallest connection to the DiCarlo's. Eli had arranged their trip to Chicago. He'd called Franco Giangrasso and the man was expecting them. Carlotta and her daughters and father in law were from that day on to be known by the adopted name Terranova, which was a family name associated to the Giangrasso's. A distant relation of cousins. It was to be in Chicago they were all to start new lives. 

***** 

Two years later... 

It had been a beautiful wedding. The bride was a dear friend and the groom was her psuedo cousin. Silvia Terranova watched from the wedding party's table as the dancers took the floor. She grew whistful. Some day it would be her turn. Some day soon she prayed. She looked down at the humble ring on her finger. It had been there for almost a year now. 

No date had been set and she was getting more and more despondent that the day would ever come that she'd marry Carlo Zuko. He'd become more and more distant from her as the days wore on. She knew what he was doing in the time he should have been with her. She didn't kid herself. He was making a name for himself in Chicago's underworld. Associating himself with one of the biggest crime family's here. She knew too from Charlie's silences at her questions, that her worry that there was another woman was true. He never said so, but she knew how to read his eyes. His eyes that didn't lie to her and told her that the woman she heard rumors of her lover being romantically linked to was none other than Don Giantonio's daughter Isabella. 

She knew Carlo didn't love this woman, that Silvia was his love. He'd claimed to have loved her since the night they escaped New York and their lives there. She had helped nurse him back to health and they'd grown very close while living with the Giangrasso's for several months until Charlie and Carlo/Giuseppe could move out on their own. Silvia and her family had stayed with the Giangrasso's a little while longer. In that time Carlo and Silvia had come to befriend Ernesto Giangrasso, the only child of their host who helped protect them and took them into his family out of a debt of honor owed to Silvia's father. Ernesto, who was close in age to them all, had been a Chicago native all his life, and went out of his way to make them feel at home and introduce them to all that Chicago had to offer. 

It was Ernesto's wedding they were attending now. Maria, the bride, had been a good friend of Silvia's from work. They both worked at a department store down town. Silvia had introduced them and Ernesto had taken an instant liking to her and the result was this marriage. A marriage that came on the heels of Ernesto's graduating from the police academy. 

Silvia continued to look at her ring and sighed. She would have to come to a decision soon. She was hoping to do it here. With the wedding atmosphere, she thought it might inspire her secret lover to set a date with her. She had to confront Carlo about their marriage plans. It was only because she thought she'd be Mrs Carlo Zuko, in actuality Mrs Giuseppe DiCarlo soon, that she had allowed their relationship to become sexually intimate. 

It was that which had her especially worried now, since that intimacy left her carrying his child. Slightly over two months now. Fortunately no one noticed yet. Only her dear friend Maria knew and tried to give her advice and support. It was Maria who first suggested she may want to abort the child. She had surprised her, when she gave Silvia the name of someone who did this type of thing. 

She had considered it. Especially since she knew if her mother or grandfather were to find out, they would kick her out. Sex before marriage was something her traditional upbringing had drilled into her not to do or she'd suffer the consequences. 

Again she thought of Carlo and knew that he loved her, but she knew also that he loved revenge and power as well. It was a matter of honor and pride with him that he regain his place as a Don. His family had come from a long proud tradition of mafia dons. He wasn't about to be denied his birthright and the power to exact retribution on the Caravalo's who had wiped out his family and most of her's. He'd been raised and trained since birth to follow in his father's footsteps. It sometimes scared her to think what being his wife would mean. But her mother and her mother's mother, had been the wives to men of influence in the mafiosa. She was only following in a tradition that was like Carlo's, a destiny given to her by birth. 

She played with the food on her plate. Her pregnancy and worries didn't give her an appetite today. She thought again of what her alternate plan would be should Carlo not marry her. She would abort the baby and move on with her life without him. This second option she tried not to think about, but kept turning to more often now. 

She was the only one still seated at the wedding table. The others were on the dance floor or mingling with the guests. So it startled her when there was a movement next to her and she looked over to see Charlie Ianello was seated next to her. "Why is the most beautiful woman here not dancing? Why the frown Silvia?" She tried to give him a half smile. 

"Hello Charlie. I take it he's not coming then?" Charlie shook his head regretfully. He was a good friend to them both and she knew he hated being the messenger of bad news to her. "I'm sorry Silvia. He sends his regrets. He wants to see you tonight though. Around ten." She nodded knowingly, snorting out a derisive laugh. "Just tell me something Charlie. Do I look like a harlot to you? I'm sure beginning to feel like one." 

Charlie shook his head. "No. You don't deserve to be treated like this. If you were my girlfriend, I wouldn't let anything stand in the way of your happiness." She smiled bittersweetly at him. She always suspected Charlie had a crush on her, but out of respect for Carlo, he never acted on it. She knew he didn't have to deliver these messages to her, but he always went out of his way to do so. 

She looked at him earnestly, willing him to tell her the truth with her next words. What he told her then would help her decide the fate of the child she carried. "He's going to marry that woman - Maria Giantonio - isn't he? He doesn't love her. I know that... Do you think she's pretty Charlie?" Charlie gazed at her, letting his eyes appreciatively rove the dark haired, olive skinned nineteen year old beauty elegantly dressed seated next to him. Silvia could turn heads and never was at a loss for those who wished to be her suitor. He shook his head. "You've got her beat in that department Silvia. You're a knock out. You're smarter too. She's a real *princess*." The last he said in a tone that let her know that to him that wasn't a compliment and that he wasn't all that fond of the woman. 

She smiled her thanks at him for answering her, confirming for her what she knew was going on, but had tried denying for so long. "It makes so much sense. Its his way into power again isn't it?" Charlie answered her question with his eyes and silence. "Thanks. That answers my question. I know you're just trying to be his friend, so you be my friend now too and deliver a message to him for me." 

Silvia was getting angrier by the second. She pulled at the modest ring on her finger. Carlo had given it to her, having bought it with most of his money last year. It was barely anything, and he had apologized profusely to her when she cried when he gave it to her. He'd mistaken her tears for disappointment. He fell all over himself trying to explain that he wanted it to be more. That he wanted to shower her with jewels. But that she'd have to wait until he regained his rightful place again. 

She'd laughed at him then and explained that it wasn't the expense or the size of the diamond setting that mattered to her. It was that he had given it to her at all, with most of the money he'd had then to buy it, that's what had made her cry. She'd accepted the ring as a promise of a marriage in the near future, but in actuality a year later she knew the ring didn't mean what she thought it did then. He didn't want her as a wife, but as his mistress. If he hadn't been who he was, perhaps the role of wife would have been her's, but she was smart enough to put it together what her role in his life would be. 

Knowing this too late, she cried inside for the unborn child that they created out of love. It was love that produced this child, she never would deny that. But now she could see clearly the decision she had to make was decided. 

She took Charlie's hand in her own and pressed the small diamond ring into his palm. She firmly closed his fingers around it. Valiantly she tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. "I do love him Charlie. But you tell him I won't be his mistress. I deserve more respect than that!" She got up from the table quickly and ran from the room, not waiting to hear what Charlie would say in his friend's defense. She did hear him rise from his chair and call to her. "Silvia wait!" She ran through the main door and down the hall towards the powder room to be alone. 

When she exited fifteen minutes later, she was in control of herself again. She went back to the reception. There was no sign of Charlie. She thought he must have left, because she didn't see him, yet he was still there and watching her discreetly. He was speaking privately with Maria Giangrasso, who was giving him her whole attention, especially when he handed her the ring to give back to Silvia. She immediately gave it back to Charlie. "Sorry but I won't give it back to her. She's made her decision. That's too bad. She would have made such a wonderful mother too. She loves children so much." Charlie gave her a perplexed look at such an unusual comment. 

Silvia found a seat at an empty table at which dessert had just been served. Having regained her appetite, thinking of the child in her womb's health, she picked up the knife and fork set there and began eating the cheesecake. 

While eating she had the uncanny feeling that someone was watching her. When she lifted her eyes she found a young man she didn't know standing before her. He looked familiar and it took a couple of seconds to recall why. He was a friend of Ernesto's. They had graduated the police academy together. She couldn't recall his name. Although she seemed to think it began with a 'V' for some reason. She smiled sweetly at him and she thought from his expression he was going to pass out, which made her suppress a laugh, making it sound like a dainty cough instead. "Hello. Are you ok?" 

He regained his composure somewhat and looked extremely uncomfortable. She could see the flustered look some men had around her and knew that he was working up the courage to ask her something... probably to dance. He nodded and seemed to find his voice. "Yes. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. Its just I never saw anyone eat cheesecake with a knife and fork before." She let out a surprised light laugh at his comment. That was the last thing she expected to hear. 

He seemed a little taken aback by her laughter. She reined it in. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed. Its just... well I thought you were going to ask me to dance. And you took me by surprise." 

He smiled back at her and she realized then that one of his best features, besides the expressive dark eyes, was that beautiful smile of his. He gave her a teasing look, "I didn't ask for a dance, because I figured your boyfriend might take offense." She laughed. "Oh, I don't have a boyfriend." He looked at her hand and noticed she was no longer wearing the diamond ring he'd seen there earlier. She followed his gaze and wiggled her fingers to show them free of rings. "No ring." Again he flashed her that smile. "So if I asked for a dance would you grant it?" 

She pretended to play hard to get on this score. "Oh I don't know... I might..." He looked expectant. She teased. "On one condition." She watched and was amused by the worried look in his eyes. This one wanted to dance with her alright. He wouldn't stop until he had she realized. He strongly answered. "Name it. Its done." She smiled amusedly. "You don't even know what it is yet." He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't care. Its worth it." She laughed again, something she hadn't done in a long time. "The condition is... I don't dance with men I don't know. First I need a name, then you must tell me about yourself while we dance." 

He eagerly agreed to the condition, relieved that it had been such an easy one to grant. "Carmine Vecchio. And from a friend I know you're name is Silvia Terranova. I'd be honored if you'd dance with me Silvia. Would you?" She returned his smile. "I'd like nothing better." He pulled her chair out gently and offered her his arm. They had their first dance and many more to come after that. 

Charlie and Maria were interrupted by some guests who insisted on taking Maria away to meet some other guests. Charlie noticed Silvia carrying on with some man on the dance floor. From when he'd talk with her before until now, she had gone from one extreme to the other. Where she looked forlorn before, now she looked like a woman without a care in the world. He left the reception then, not wanting to face his friend with the unwelcome news that Silvia had dumped him. Charlie had warned Carlo this would happen countless times. That Silvia was too smart to be strung along as she had been. That she wanted to be his wife and the mother of his children, not a mistress. As he left, he turned back hearing her laugh. He hadn't heard her laugh in a long time. He thought she deserved some happiness. Perhaps this was the best decision for all of them. 

************************** 

She wore the colors of mourning from head to foot as she entered Pat's restaurant. She knew exactly where to go. The restaurant was closed to the public right now, but she knew that the object of her search was there. She had her sources. 

She pushed past Pat, who tried to stop her. "Silvia? What are you doing here? We're closed for business." She glared at him. "I'm not here for that kind of busines Pat." She kept walking. Charlie met her next. "Silvia?" She nodded civilly. "Hello Charlie. Its been a long time. I'm here to see *him*." 

Charlie knew who she meant. The last time he'd seen her was two months after Giangrasso's wedding. He'd come to her with a message from Carlo to meet and talk with him. He'd heard she was planning to marry that cop Vecchio and it had him ill tempered for days. Carlo had been miserable without her, but only Charlie knew that. To everyone else Carlo played a role. That of loyal soldier to Don Giantonio and fiance to the Don's daughter. But around Charlie he was Giuseppe DiCarlo foolish lover of Silvia Calabrese. 

Charlie had been surprised to see that she was pregnant when she met with Carlo. Maria Giangrasso's words came back to haunt him then. He understood everything much more clearly now. She was too far along to be carrying Vecchio's child. Her angry words at feeling like a harlot came back to him as well and he knew then that the baby she was carrying was a Dicarlo and had the circumstances been right the child would have bourn the name Zuko - and if a boy child he would have followed in his father's footsteps. A child of their union would have been a strong heir mused Charlie, but Carlo had missed this opportunity, by choosing an easy and quick way to regain power for himself. 

The meeting had gone badly. Charlie couldn't help but hear it, the volume of shouting was so loud. He heard Carlo accuse her of being a slut when he saw her unmarried and pregnant, even though he knew she was to marry Carmine Vecchio before the week was out. She hurled back at him that if she was a slut, it was he who made her one. He dishonored her and had her father been alive she cried, he would have had to answer to him. Charlie had to agree with her on that score, suspecting as he did that Carlo had been her first lover... the cause of her unmarried pregnant state. It was a good thing the honor bound patriarchs of the DiCarlo's and Calabrese's weren't alive to see this. 

She stormed out of the Zuko home then, a home which had been bought as a prenuptial present for Don Giantonio's daughter and future son in law. Carlo was to be married by the end of the month. But it was a marriage of convenience, not love. He watched as the woman he truly loved left his life forever, to become the wife and the mother of children to another man. The thought of it angered him and he tantrummed for days, even threatening to have Vecchio killed, but Charlie managed to talk him out of killing a cop, explaining; "Dead cops are bad for business. If you love her, honor her wish and the memory of her father and leave her be. Leave her some happiness." 

Carlo had done just that, but kept quiet tabs on her through Charlie. He knew she was happily married, the mother of four children and grandmother to two now. There was a strangeness when her son Ray and his daughter Irene had been secretly dating afew years back. He soon put an end to that. Cutting the vines in the front of the house for starters when he'd caught the young man trying to climb them. He'd put on his best intimidating voice and look and knew he'd scared the boy. He wouldn't be coming around again if Carlo Zuko had a say in the matter. 

Charlie let her pass him in the restaurant. Close on her heels as she approached his boss and oldest friend at the back booth. Carlo Zuko gave her a puzzled look and stood moving forwards to greet her. "Hello Silvia? What ..." Before he could finish his sentence her hand had come out to slap him hard on the face. She spat angrily. "You bastard! Its not enough that you deny me marriage once, now you make me a widow!" 

He grabbed her wrist before she could strike him again. Then kissed the back of her hand. He had Charlie and two others he trusted to guard him with their lives there now. The two in the booth had gotten up quickly and began to grab hold of their guns in their holsters. He motioned them to keep their cool and signalled for them to leave. Only Charlie was allowed to remain. 

He noticed that Charlie hadn't reached for his gun, so he knew Charlie didn't see Silvia as a threat to his life, so he let her continue, intrigued by what she was accusing him of. He saw the tears welling in her eyes. And now noticed the mourning clothes she was wearing. "Silvia was Carmine murdered?" She glared at him. "Don't pretend that you don't know. You... you killed him. Oh god and you killed Tony too. Why'd they have to die? You bastard! Why'd you have to take Tony? Oh god you killed our son!" She was sobbing uncontrollably as he tried to pull her into his arms to comfort her, but she struggled at first smacking him ineffectually with her fists. After a few minutes she let him hold her. 

In shock at her revelation, he spoke soothingly. "Silvia it wasn't me. Please you have to believe me. Your family is protected. Isn't that right Charlie?" Charlie spoke firmly. "Your husband and son Ray have been pains in the asses for a couple of our operations. But standing order... No one touches them. They do, they answer directly to Carlo." 

Carlo earnestly spoke to the woman sobbing in his arms. "Silvia you know that no matter what, Charlie and I have never lied to you. I owe you so much. If it hadn't been for you and your family, I wouldn't be here now." She nodded sadly against her ex-lover's chest. 

When the sobbing had slowed somewhat Carlo whispered to her, "Tony was my son?" She nodded slowly against his chest. "Yes. He was your's. Carmine knew he wasn't his son by blood. But he loved me anyway. He knew, but he accepted us anyway. He treated me with respect and him always as his son." 

With a heavy heart, he spoke his next words sincerely. "Oh god Silvia why didn't you tell me? This foolish old man is starting to understand now how badly I treated you. Forgive me mi amor. Mea culpa. I'm sorry. I wish I had known our child." She stayed within the confines of his embrace, and he didn't want to let her go. This was the woman who should have been by his side he realized and regretted once again. He kissed the top of her head and angrily vowed. "You have my word. I'll find who killed your husband and our son. They'll pay. They've spilled my blood now too." 

It was while she was still in his embrace that young Frank Zuko, chatting away like a big shot to the young men with him, entered the room where his father was. "... and then I said..." He stopped his showboating when he caught the stern look his father was giving him, over the head of a woman, whose face Frank couldn't see. His father sneered at him and Frank could feel the danger signals. He'd just walked in where he wasn't welcome and if he read Charlie's look right - Charlie was shaking his head disgustedly from side to side at him - it would be in his best interest if he left right now. 

Frank was about to leave the room, when the face of the woman turned to look directly at him. Without fear. She was dressed all in mourning black. Her eyes red rimmed and puffy from crying. Frank furrowed his brow trying to place who she was. She seemed familiar to him. It hit him then, that this was Silvia Vecchio, who must have come straight from the double funeral service of her husband and son this morning. 

At his guilty look and swallow, which wasn't missed by his father or Charlie, he tried to leave. He hadn't realized that she was *that* special to his father. Frank knew his father's standing orders that no one in the Zuko organization touched the Vecchios. He never understood that command until now, watching his father tenderly comforting the woman in his arms. 

Charlie gave him that look again that always let him know what Don Zuko's mindset was in regards to him, and this look was telling him he was in *big* trouble. That when this woman left, Frank was going to be called on to explain himself. 

Silvia Vecchio pulled herself away from Carlo then and without another word proudly walked toward the front of the restaurant. She didn't miss the sound of the loud smack of Carlo's hand connecting with that of his son's jaw, when he thought she was already out of earshot. She caught some of the angry Italian words and curses being hurled at the boy. "If you weren't my blood you'd be dead right now!" 

It was from what he said to his only son now, that she knew Carlo had been truthful with her about his not being involved with Carmine and Tony's deaths. Frank Zuko had defied and overstepped his boundaries of power in the family. This did not bode well for the young upstart, who had obviously gone behind his father's back. 

She knew what a bad temper her ex-lover could have and it was coming out full force against his son. She smiled ferally at the thought and felt no remorse for the young man. In her mind he deserved worse, but his being Carlo's only heir now, the best she could hope for was the beating and fallen from grace status he would receive from his father. 

She knew a little of Frank Zuko. He was nothing like his father when it came to the family *business*. With that knowledge she felt his arrogance would bring about the fall of the Zuko empire. She'd seen men like him play at power and it always turned on them. The old ways of honor amongst men like her grandfather, father, the DiCarlo's and Charlie Ianello were being replaced with the new ways of the young and foolish... like Frank Zuko. 

She was glad now that she'd chosen as she had. To separate her life from a 'war' that would never end. She was thankful her family wouldn't be tainted by it any more. Carlo Zuko would ensure that. He owed her. 

************************** 

After she completed her story, she looked to her son. Ray stared at her as if she were a stranger and not the woman he thought he'd known all his life. Somewhere in the midst of her story she had felt him retreat from her. Both mentally and physically. His hand was no longer on her's, his chair moved further away. 

She looked into hurt betrayed eyes and grew saddened and worried by what she saw there. "Caro, I... I never wanted to hurt you... you must believe me. I never wanted to keep the truth from you. Its... I... I did it to protect you... because I love you." 

She grew fearful of the look she was receiving from her son. It was one she'd never seen before. Another tear followed the ones before it. "I'm sorry caro. I'm so sorry. Forgive me. Please forgive me." She reached out a hand to him, but he shrunk away in disgust from her. Then without a word and with a robotic motion Ray rose from his seat. She couldn't sense what her normally emotions-on-the-surface son was feeling. It was as if he'd walled her out as he quickly walked the short distance to the door of the porch and left. 

Fraser had tried to get his lover's attention several times and get him to speak, but was unsuccessful. "Ray?" But his entreaties fell on deaf ears as he and Mrs Vecchio watched Ray leave. Fraser hastily got up and gently squeezed Mrs Vecchio's hand, looking into her tear streaked face. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then spoke softly. "I'll talk with him. Just give him a little time. This has been alot for him to handle in the last few days." She nodded sadly. "I know. Grazie. I bless the day my son met you." He half smiled at the compliment, his worry and eagerness to rush after Ray forcing the other half to be a frown. "Thank-you. It was a blessed day for me as well. I'll call you later." This last was said as he rushed from the porch, running to catch up to his lover. 

She whispered after him. "Bring him back to me. Please bring him back." She placed her head in her hands and wept. 

Ray had a couple of minutes on him, so he just managed to approach the Riv as it peeled away from the curb. He watched frustrated as Ray sped down the street, not really stopping at the stop sign at the end and squealing tires as he headed away from North Octavia and just as fast from those who loved him. 

**************************************** 

He'd played a hunch and looking in front of him now, he saw it paid off. Two hours later and there was the object of his search before him. Ray hadn't noticed him yet, his back was turned to him. He saw that he was swaying slightly, weaving back and forth as if playing a morbid game through the headstones. He wasn't doing it all that well either. The bottle in his hand showed Fraser how he'd gotten into the state he was in. 

Ben was still a distance away, the sun setting somewhat as he approached the drunken figure of his lover. He made out Ray's voice every now and again. Catching a slurred sentence here and there. "Here's to you pop! Drink up!" Then he giggled hysterically as if he'd made the funniest joke. He was practically at the site where he'd seen Ray plop down heavily next to a specific tombstone. "Hey Tony, wait your turn. Pop's not done yet. Go do a rosary or somethin'" 

Ray still hadn't seen or heard him approach. Only when he stood in front of him did Ray turn his head and look up at him, giving him a goofy smile. "Well look who's here to crash the party. Hi ya Benny. I want ya to meet the rest of the family." To the grave marker near Ray's right shoulder he turned his head as if speaking to someone who was actually there. "Pop. This here's Benny." He whispered conspiratorally over to the marker. "Shhh. Don't tell the others here. He's my lover." Ray decided that was the funniest thing and began laughing. 

Ben squatted down on his heels in front of Ray, trying to capture his eyes as well as the bottle in his hand. Ray grew indignant, pulling the bottle tightly to himself when he caught Ben's intent. "Hey, I thought ya were suppose ta be so p'lite. If ya wanted a drink ya shoulda askt nice. Right Tony? Tony knows all 'bout right things to do." Ray had trouble with the next word. "He's conside-rable, consid-a-right..." Ray thought that came out funny, then tilted his head and squinting up at a patient Fraser decided against trying the word again and went for another instead. "...polite too." This last he addressed to the grave marker near his left shoulder. 

Ben tried to get his attention again by saying his name sharply. "Ray! Ray you're drunk." Ray just sneered and kept talking. "Tony this here's Benny. You probably shoulda met him first. He's more your type than mine. He's just as big a goody two shoes as you. Hard to believe you were so good, with parents like you had." 

Ray was about to raise the bottle to his lips again, but Ben's hand stayed him. Fraser's sad eyes pleaded with him as well as his words. "Please Ray. Stop. Come home with me now." Ray smirked. "Is that a come on line Benny?" Ray laughed at what he thought was a witty joke. "You want me so bad Benny, how 'bout we do it here. Ya ever do it in a cemetery before Benny?" Ray reached out a hand and started to undo Ben's top button. He was fumbling it, since his coordination was off. Fraser let him be distracted with his buttons, playing into Ray's amorous drunken attentions. He whispered seductively, "Ray please. I want you." Ray was growing frustrated at his inability to undo the buttons with one hand. 

Fraser breathed out in Ray's ear as he nibbled lightly at it. "Why don't you use both hands?" Ray seemed to think that made some sense and Ben eagerly watched him place the bottle on the ground. Lifting his hand to work with the other on Ben's buttons, which with both he managed to undo one so far. 

"Oh that's good Ray." He said to distract him some more. Then suddenly Ben had the bottle in his own hand and while Ray was busy elsewhere, Ben poured the rest of the alcohol into the ground as far as he could reach behind him. Ray was sucking at his neck. The sun had gone down at this point and only a few lights had come on in the park-like setting of the cemetery, leaving them mostly in the dark. 

What had started as just a way of distracting his lover, was increasingly becoming more and more arousing to them both. Ben reached between their bodies and placed his hand on the front of Ray's pants. Ray moaned into his neck. "Oh god Benny. Please. Touch me." Ben's breathing became more rapid. 

Ben found himself feeling aroused as well, not just by his lover wanting him but also the idea of making love here in a cemetery. He brought his lips to Ray's for a penetrating kiss, tasting the cheap whiskey there. As they kissed Ben expertly touched his lover. 

The touch of the hand jolted Ray. Fraser felt him pull away quickly, pushing at him at the same time. Ray suddenly stood up and woozily swayed, but then regained his balance... for almost a minute at least. He stubbornly tried to readjust his dishevelled shirt and pants. 

An aroused and disappointed Ben stood to join him and placed an arm out to steady his lover. "Ray what's wrong? I thought..." Ray looked still unbalanced from the alcohol, but seemed to be mentally sobering rapidly. "Oh god Benny. What are we doing? This is disrespectful. We can't do this here." 

Ben gradually came out of his arousal fogged mind to agree with him and he went to Ray's side placing a steadying arm around his lover's waist. "You're right Ray. Why don't we go back to my place?" He placed a kiss on the drunken man's cheek. "Come on lover, give me your keys." Ray smirked. "You'll be proud of me. I walked here..." 

But then he got a worried look on his face. "Aw shit. I can' 'member where I parked the Riv." Fraser tried to suppress the laugh threatening to come out of him. He knew how Ray adored that car of his. For him to have thought out not driving it - which Fraser was thankful for - but to forget where it was amused him for some reason; perhaps it was the adorable look of comical worry on his face that did it. 

He spoke reassuringly. "Don't worry. We'll find it in the morning sweetheart." Ray looked at him with a sweet trust and sincerety. "You'll track it down for me?" Fraser chuckled. "I'd track it to the ends of the earth for you Ray." They were just nearing the cemetery gates as he said this. Ray looked content with this answer and lovingly dopily smiled at him. "Thank-you kindly Benny." Then leaned over unsteadily to sloppily kiss his cheek. 

********************************** 

They'd only walked a short distance before Ben hailed them a taxi going by. Ray had gradually sobered more on the way and was more sleepy than anything else. He'd leaned heavily against Fraser's shoulder on the cab ride over, not speaking, his eyes open but unseeing. Ben had his arm protectively around Ray, his arm bent at the elbow to cross in front of his friend and the hand of it lifted to gently caress his head and face. His other hand rested laced into Ray's in his lap. 

He paid the driver, with a decent tip, when they finally arrived at his apartment on West Racine. As he approached the door of 3J, he grew cautious, since the door seemed to have been slightly open and a light was on inside. Ray was practically sleep walking down the hall, so instead of going directly to 3J he knocked lightly on Mr Mustafi's door. It wasn't that late. Around 8 PM, so his neighbor was still awake. Ben signalled for Mustafi to whisper, then asked to leave Ray with him, while he checked his apartment. Mustafi looked worried, but let the Mountie do as requested. They settled a now asleep Ray on the couch and Ben hurried from the apartment. 

He approached the door careful not to generate any noise. At the side of it, he listened intently for any sounds coming from within. There was someone in there. Reaching a hand over he slowly pushed open the door. When no attack came from opening the door he cautiously looked over the edge of the threshhold and took in the sight of Charlie Ianello standing near the door. "Hello Constable. Its been a while." Seeing an observant Fraser looking at him warily, he pulled back his coat non-threateningly to show he was unarmed. "I've come to talk. Nothing else. That's why I left the door open and the light on for you." 

Charlie signalled as if inviting Fraser as a guest into his own home. "Where's the cop? I thought I saw him with you out the window?" Fraser still didn't trust the man and his face expressed it. "He's with a friend. What are you doing here?" 

Charlie made himself comfortable at the kitchen table. That's where he must have been waiting for a little while, because there were a couple of his newspapers "Territories Today" and "Yukon Gazette" piled there on the table and one was opened, next to it was a half drunken glass of his Canadian beer. Fraser indicated the table. "You've been making yourself at home." Charlie chuckled. "Yeah, you don't have a tv or nothing. How can you stand it? Beer's not too bad though." 

Fraser sat with Charlie then at the table. Not feeling threatened any longer. "You still haven't answered. Why are you here?" Charlie took his time answering, patting an appreciative Diefenbaker - who was under the table - scratching behind the wolf's ears. 

Without looking at Fraser or stopping his ministrations to a contented wolf he spoke. "Make sure Vecchio doesn't come by the house any more. I almost shot him tonight." Fraser took in a sharp breath and uttered a surprised fearful, "What?" 

Charlie regarded the mountie then with a hard look. "Whatever Frank may be... I swore a death bed oath to his father Carlo to protect and advise his only son. I also am bound by honor not to touch Vecchio by another much older oath. My oaths came into conflict tonight when I saw Raymondo at Frankie's office window with a gun. Frank doesn't know. Capisce?" 

Fraser was numb with the picture of what his lover must have intended and where he must have gone to after he ran away from the Vecchio home this afternoon. He nodded. "I capisce." Then he realized how dumb that sounded, but it made the older man laugh. He corrected himself. "Understood." 

Charlie nodded. "I'm glad we 'understand' each other. I know you're an honorable young man - there's so few any more these days - so this stays between us." 

Fraser agreed. "I'll do my best to ensure you don't find yourself in conflict again." Ianello threw Ben the keys to the Riv as he headed out the door. "He was in no shape to drive, so I took the liberty of having his car towed away from the neighborhood. It looked bad to the 'neighbors'. Its at Grant Park." With that said the older man left the apartment. 

************************** 

Ray stirred awake noisily. Ben surmised correctly that his lover was experiencing one hell of a hangover. He was ready for him and before Ray was fully awake he left the kitchen quickly to sit on the edge of the bed, hand outstretched to place a cup of an old Innuit hangover remedy in front of his lover's nose. Ray sniffed disgustedly at the concoction. "Ew! What ya trying to do? Poison me?" 

Fraser handed him two aspirin as well, as Ray raised himself to a seated position on the bed with his back to the wall. He cocked one eye over at Ben defiantly. "You expect me to drink that?" Fraser nodded. "Yes. It smells worse than it tastes Ray. I taste tested it first." Ray gave him a wary mistrustful look. "You wouldn't be lying to me now would you?" Fraser looked hurt. "Of course not." 

Ray took the aspirin and then a tentative sip at the drink. He scrunched up his face. "You thought that tasted alright? Yuck!" Fraser shrugged. "Yes I did. I've tasted worse Ray. This wasn't nearly half as bad as the time I tasted a ..." Ray stopped him before he could continue. "Please. My stomach is queasy as it is. I don't wanna know. Spare me." 

Fraser placed his hand on Ray's holding the mug. He was trying to signal Ray to drink some more of it. "Come on Ray. Its for your own good. You'll thank me for it later. It'll make you feel better. Eric insists it works wonders in under fifteen minutes." Ray gave him a skeptical look through dark ringed, blood shot tired eyes. "Oh man Benny. Please don't make me drink any more of this. You're worse than my mother and the cod liver oil." Ray shuddered at the remembered childhood memory, grimacing. Ben leaned forward and touched his lips to Ray's ear in a light seductive kiss. "You drink that like a good boy and then we can play later." 

Ray downed the liquid mix in record time. Ben laughed at the sight, running his hand down Ray's arm. "You just need the right incentive is all." Ray joined him in his laughter, "Yeah that's one hell of an incentive Benny." He pulled away the covers and padded over to the bathroom to wash up. He kept spare clothes and toiletry items at Ben's since they'd become lovers. 

Ben walked over to lean, with arms crossed, on the threshhold of the bathroom door to continue talking with him. "Ray?" Ray had the water running and was washing his face. He lifted his face and patted it dry, then replied. "Yeah Benny?" 

He tried to think out how best to ask, but didn't know any other way than to just get it out in the open. "Did you go to Frank Zuko's place last night?" The sound and sight of Ray brushing his teeth stopped. He turned to regard his friend with toothbrush still in his mouth. Ray didn't look happy. Maybe he should have waited to ask? thought Ben. Ray ignored him and continued his morning ritual. Ben took that as a signal to stop bothering him and moved away from the door and back into the bedroom where he sat down heavily on the bed. 

Diefenbaker placed his snout on Ben's lap and the mountie scratched automatically behind the wolf's ears and rubbed under his throat where he knew Dief liked the attention. He was surprised by the feel of his lover's arms coming around his neck from behind in a light embrace. Then a kiss to the side of his head. "I'm not mad Benny. I'm sorry I scared you away. Its just... its well..." Ray plopped down next to him on the bed. He looked miserable. "Tell me what happened Ray?" 

Ray looked over at him sadly. "Oh god Benny. I... I still can't believe it. It just kept getting worse and worse. I almost didn't make it through the whole story. It was like she was someone else... someone who had replaced 'my' mother. God... I never had a clue. Things are starting to make sense now. Like her telling me I was named after my grandfather who died in the 'war'. Man she wasn't lying. But she always led me to believe it was the World War... ya know... not a mob 'war'. The thought of being named after a mobster is... well its kind of strange. Especially one like Raymondo Calabrese. My mother... hell I'm related to the Calabreses. Oh man, I used to feel so smug thinking my family wasn't connected... and here it is we're 'conected' in a 'big' way. Man... now I understand those nasty glares from my pop too, when I teased and said Tony was the postman's kid. Guess I wasn't too far from the truth. Wish it were the postman. I could handle that better than knowing... hell knowing... geez Benny my brother could have 'been' Frank Zuko." 

Ben had grabbed hold of a rapidly gesticulating hand. "He wasn't. You're here because she chose differently. And I couldn't be more thankful for that. Your mother is still your mother. She's still a good woman, no matter what her family did..." Ray stared at him. "Ya wanna know what her family did? Hell the DiCarlo's that my grandfather worked for were ruthless. Murder, extortion, drug trafficking, prostitution... to name just a few. There wasn't anything they didn't have their hands into in New York. To think I thought Frank Zuko was bad, his ancestors were worse, if he's from the DiCarlo line. What gets me is my mother was being groomed... was ready to become a Don's wife. To Carlo Zuko no less. Oh man that is still hard to take. I never would have thought..." 

Ben watched as Ray struggled to deal with these overwhelming facts that had become part of his life. Ray snorted derisively. "Ya know. Its funny. I keep hearing and seeing things again. Things I took for granted are hitting me and I'm seeing them for what they are now. Like I remember... I was about fourteen I think. Sitting at the kitchen table for breakfast. Pop's reading the paper and makes this comment. Seems the Caravalo family came to a really nasty end and the repercussions of it could be felt all the way back here in Chicago. It was a little after Don Giantonio died and Zuko became his successor. They never could quite pin it back to him, but like I said it was felt all the way over here. Ma makes this comment. Real cold. Never heard her tone like this before or after. Says 'Its about time someone took out the trash.' I thought it was a signal for me to literally take out the trash. So I got up and left the table to do the chore before she got too much angrier. Man... its been around 20 years and now it hits me. I understand what that comment meant now." 

Ben looked deeply into his face. "Ray, its in the past. Don't make her into a mobster, because she isn't. She's Silvia Vecchio, married to Carmine Vecchio, a police officer, and her son is one too. A good one at that. So Tony was Carlo Zuko's biological son, did that make him any less your father's son? I don't think so. I got the impression from his notes and from what your mother told us, your father didn't care who helped create Tony, he only cared that Tony was 'his' son when he married your mother. Do you love your brother any less because of this Ray?" 

Ray cast his eyes down and shook his head. "No." Ben turned Ray's face back to him. "Good. Because from what I can tell of your family. Your mother and father raised good, law abiding decent children. What more could a parent wish for than that?" 

Ray huffed out. "But Benny..." Fraser cut him off. "Ray, please go talk with her again. You really upset her by running off like that. She loves you. She trusted us with a part of her life that she would have liked to have kept buried. She only told you out of fear that you'd get into trouble with Frank Zuko again. Which brings me back to... Did you go to the Zuko house last night?" 

Ray glared at him, "What if I did?" Fraser still held the hand of his lover enclosed in his, asking as if he were a teacher asking a question of a wayward student, already knowing the answer, but wanting to hear it anyway. "Why were you there?" 

Ray let out a heavy sigh, his eyes looking into Ben's showed him the hurt and hatred he felt for his life long enemy Frank Zuko. Ray swallowed and finally whispered out. "I... I wanted him dead. Oh god Benny I hate him so much. I hate the Zukos of this world so much. I went over..." He stopped, looking away from those blue eyes watching him carefully. "I went over to kill him Benny. That's all that kept running through my head when I left the house. I wanted him dead. He killed my father Benny; he killed my brother - hell his brother too; he killed Irene... Oh man it hurts so much Benny. How can just one man hurt me so much? Kill so many that I love? It isn't fair. Then to find out my mother and her family helped establish the Zuko family here in Chicago. That she even thought she was going to be part of it at one point. Hell my grandmother even named them. I... I don't know if I can accept that... I don't think I can forgive that." 

Ben pulled him into a comforting embrace. "Through everything remember this always. I love you. No matter what. Your being 'connected' as you called it. You aren't really. Your being named after your grandfather, who happened to be 'connected'. So what? I like your name regardless. Your mother was strong enough to turn away from that life Ray. Don't punish her for who her family was or what they did. The only family that matters to her right now is the Vecchio family... Capisce?" Ray laughed at his lover's joking tone and use of Italian at the end. Responding with a smile. "Capisco bambino." Their lips touched for a brief kiss. 

Ray pulled away first. Guiltily feeling as if he should confess. "I... I did come close to killing him last night Benny. I drank a bit of 'courage' and went over to his place full of piss and vinegar. Got as far as his office window. Had my gun drawn and everything. He was there. Back to me. It would have been so easy. So easy to get him out of my life once and for all. Make him pay for everything. I could have avenged their deaths. I stood there for a while. I... couldn't do it. I just couldn't pull the trigger. I wanted to, but something stopped me. I got so mad at myself for backing out." 

Ray was looking truly self-reproachful, so Ben pulled him close and kissed his temple. "You're not a Frank Zuko, a Carlo Zuko, a DiCarlo; you're Ray Vecchio. So you have some flaws here and there..." Ray eyed him suspiciously at that,"... but bottom line you're not a killer Ray. That's what stopped you." 

Ray laughed mirthlessly. "So I'm not a killer. What would my grandfather say to that? Guess I'd have been a disappointment hunh? And me his namesake." Fraser responded suggestively. "You've never disappointed me Ray if that makes you feel better. Which reminds me. How's that Innuit hangover remedy working?" 

Ray smiled over devilishly. "Feeling pretty good now Benny. Is it 'later' yet? 'Cuz I'd like to 'play' now." Ben pushed him down onto the bed and teased as he looked down into his lover's face. "Play time has just begun." 

************************** 

"Come on Ray, let's go get your car." Fraser, seated on the edge of the bed, was pulling the last loop of his boot laces through and felt a tug on his arm from behind. "Not yet." was breathed close to his ear. Ben smiled as he turned to face his amorous lover. 

He noticed Ray was procrastinating a little in his dressing. Ray's shirt buttons weren't entirely closed and his belt buckle was still open. Fraser shook his head amusedly scolding. "Ray, I thought you'd be done by now. Here let me help." Ben started to button up the shirt. Ray kept trying to distract him, leaning forward for a kiss, but Ben would turn his head so it ended up on his cheek instead. 

"Come on Ray, play time is over. We can't stay in bed *all* day." His lover seemed disappointed. "I thought you wanted to get your car back?" Ben reached over to touch his face. "Oh don't give me that look. It won't work. Its not working. Come on now. Stop it." Ben started laughing lightly and gave in slightly. "Alright. Alright. Just one more kiss and then we're leaving. You hear me?" 

Ray brightened and came forward a little on the bed to meet Ben's lips for a passionate kiss, trying to push his lover down onto the bed, but it was like pushing at a brick wall, but more enjoyable. Ben had caught onto his ploy, pulling out of the kiss first. Then punctuating each word he spoke next with a kiss he said. "You... are... a... bad... influence... on.. me..." Ray smiled smugly. "I'll take that as a compliment. Especially if it gets me more of your kisses." Ray slipped into his shoes near the side of the bed and gathering up his coat, which Fraser was handing him, they exited the apartment. 

Fraser wasn't sure where in Grant Park they'd find the Riv, so he had the taxi driver drop them off at one side of the park, figuring they'd walk the length of the park until they found it. He also planned on making a special stop half-way through the park. Ray didn't know it, but he'd set him up. While Ray slept last night, he had called Mrs Vecchio and had asked her to meet them here this afternoon. 

By the time they got to the bench where she sat, they still hadn't found the Riv. Ben figured it must be on the other side of the park. He maneuvered his lover with a hand at his back to head towards the bench. Ray noticed the fact that he was being 'guided' to a bench with a woman seated there and then realized who that 'someone' was and started to balk a little. An annoyed hiss escaped him. "Benny. Man you set me up. Is my Riv even here?" 

Ben grabbed onto Ray's elbow to ensure his friend wouldn't bolt. "Yes its here. I won't give you the keys until you talk with her." He propelled his lover in front of him slightly. "Go on." Ray turned back to look at him annoyed. "Damn it Benny. I could have you up on charges of extortion. You..." 

He never finished the statement because Mrs Vecchio had heard their approach and stood up to greet them. Her eyes looked at her son worriedly, still fearful that he'd reject her once more. "Raymondo. Please talk with me." Ray glared. "What do ya want me to say ma? Everythings fine? That its ok with me that you helped set up a crime family my father and I have tried to get rid of our whole lives. That the man you loved had a son that killed too many people that I loved? Doesn't it bother you that pop and Tony were killed by Frank Zuko? Oh god ma you were ready to marry into the Zuko family? Just tell me something. Did you even love pop? Or did you just use him? Dupe him into marrying you?" 

She slapped her son then. "I loved your father. I still do. I miss him. He gave me something that I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined before meeting him. A life away from the mafia and my children wouldn't have to follow in traditions bourn out of blood and hatred. He knew who I was. But he didn't care. He loved me despite it. I didn't 'use' him Ray. I turned down his marriage proposal twice. Did you know that?" He shook his head not realizing this. 

She continued. "I thought I wasn't good enough for him. Dishonored, pregnant, no more dowry, family mostly gone, a powerful and vengeful ex-boyfriend... what kind of wife would that be for him? He says he saw it in my eyes that I wanted to accept the proposal the first time. So he tried a second time the next day. He suspected I was pregnant. That that was why I didn't accept. But that it didn't matter to him. He wanted me as his wife." 

She laughed lightly. "Your father was a persistent man. Said he'd fallen in love with me as soon as he saw me eating that cheesecake. He was such a romantic. He gave me a cheesecake every anniversary." 

Ray smiled, seeing a side to his father that he'd been blind to before. That of husband. To hear his mother talk, his father had been a good husband. He was beginning to realize he never truly saw who his father was until these past few days. He knew more about Carmine Vecchio now than he ever had when the man had been alive. 

He stopped his musing and listened again to what she was saying. "When he proposed again, he told me that the other guy was a fool, but he wasn't. That my ex-lover would learn to regret that he cast away such a treasure, but it would be too late. That's why he always called me his 'tesora'." 

She wiped at a teary eye. "You ask did I love him? Yes. How could I not? When I turned the proposal down the second time, I confessed to him he was right about my carrying Tony and who I was. I didn't tell him that Carlo Zuko was my lover." She laughed. "I think he always thought it was Charlie Ianello. Because he'd seen me upset when Charlie delivered a message to me from Carlo. And I handed Charlie back Carlo's ring and ran from the reception hall. I think a few people thought Charlie and I were an item back then. I know my friend Maria did. They never realized he was delivering messages for Carlo or just visiting." 

Ray gave her an incredulous look, "Charlie Ianello ma? You've gotta be kidding?" 

She nodded to confirm that was a rumor back then. "I let your father believe what he wanted. I was afraid he'd be a hot head and get himself tangled into a mess with Carlo, if I'd told him who really fathered Tony. He hated Carlo from day one of his job in the police force and learned of him. Charlie he really didn't know much about back then." 

Ray still had an absorbed look in all that she was revealing to him. He both wanted to know and not know at the same time. Playing with the thought of would it have been best not to know all this? To have remained ignorant of it all? Afterall wasn't there a saying, 'Ignorance is bliss'. Whoever came up with it was a genius he thought to himself. 

She noticed that he still was there with her. He hadn't left her, so he was listening. Listening quietly, much to her surprise and slight worry that it just meant the storm was going to hit soon. "You're so much like your father caro. You don't realize this do you? For the same reason I didn't tell your father about Carlo, I didn't tell you either. I was afraid to ever tell you about my connection to the Zukos and my knowledge that Frank killed your father and brother. I have no 'evidence' to prove it caro, but I knew in my soul that the Zukos were involved. It was only when I confronted Carlo and Frank entered that I knew. I feared you'd want blood for blood if I ever told you. Too many in my family were lost to me because of the mob. I couldn't lose you to them too caro. Please. Don't hate me. I couldn't bear the thought of you hating me." 

Ray closed the gap between himself and his sobbing mother. "Oh god ma. I don't hate you. Its just... you all of a sudden became someone else. I didn't know who you were any more. You turned into someone who had secrets; connected to people that I despise... you became one of 'them'. Its hard to reconcile some of the things you told me, but I'll try to remember what Benny told me. You're still Silvia Vecchio and the only family that matters to you is the Vecchio family. I won't go for a blood revenge against Frank, but if I can I will take him down *legally* some day." He caught Ben's eyes when he emphasized 'legally' and received a smile and nod of approval from his lover. He turned his eyes back to his mother. "That's the best I can offer." 

He felt himself taken into a strong affectionate embrace. She laughed through her tears and placed a kiss to his cheek. Ben, who had remained silent, set away a little from them, but not too far in case he needed to be a referee - but thankful it wasn't necessary - felt his hand being reached for, then grasped by Mrs Vecchio and squeezed gently. 

"That's a fair deal caro... Have I told you how much I like your choice in boyfriends? Much better than your sisters'. They could've taken a few pointers from you." Ray laughed and hugged her back. "Ma, I ain't gonna be the one to tell them ya said that." 

He grew serious again then. "Ma? I need to ask you something." 

She grew concerned for the tone he was using. "Yes Raymondo. I have no secrets from you now." 

His green eyes looked hopeful. "Pop mentioned something in one of his notebooks. Said he gave someone a box. Had some stuff that could possibly help take down the Zukos. That this person didn't know what was in the box, but knew the location of it. Was it you? Did he give it to you?" 

She gave him a curious look back in return. "No. I have no such box. I think I would have remembered... Oh..." Ray looked hopeful at her exclamation of sudden remembrance. 

"Do we still have a safety deposit box at the bank Raymondo? Remember, I hardly ever used it. I think I had some jewelry in it. It was primarily in your father's name. As his executor, did you go into the box there?" 

Ray looked crestfallen and went through a cataloguing of items. "Yeah, I went through the box then. Just your jewelry, our birth certificates, stocks and bonds, insurance papers, titles for the cars, deed to the house, stuff like that. Nothing unusual. Its in my name now. Added some of my own important papers and stuff to it. I felt sure you were the one he was talking about." 

She shook her head. "Sorry. It was so long ago. I don't think he gave me anything like what you're talking about. I'm sorry. I'll think about it some more. Maybe look around the house. Perhaps it'll show up?" She tried to sound hopeful for his sake, because he looked so disappointed. 

************************** 

A simple small light package arrived at the Vecchio home addressed to Silvia Vecchio. There was no return address on the package and no stamp. This had been hand delivered and deliberately and secretly left. She grew suspicious of the item and with Ray looking over her shoulder, she caught his frown. He was thinking the same thing. This was too fishy. 

Ben was there too and asked if he could check over the package. She gave him a chuckle to let him know she thought this was ridiculous. "Benton, Raymondo its just a package. Its not a bomb." They insisted she hand it over to Ben, who proceeded to test its weight in his hand; placed his ear to the package to listen; he shook it gently; then placed it to his nose to sniff. Ray stopped him there. "Benny, plllleaasse don't lick it, alright? I'm feeling better about it now." 

Ben smiled over at his lover, amused at the reaction he caused. "Its safe." He handed it to Mrs Vecchio, who shook her head as if never worried in the first place. "Of course it is." 

She began to undo the brown wrapping. Inside was a box with beautiful expensive paper adorning it. On top was a small note card. 'To an honorable woman. Happiness was what you always deserved. May you have found it.' It wasn't signed. 

She opened the wrapping carefully. Inside was a beautiful scarf. It hit her then, what was in her hand. It was an exact replica of the one her father had given her on her sixteenth birthday. It had been expensive and brought over from Italy especially for her. 

This was like the one she had used to staunch the blood of Giuseppe DiCarlo in their escape. She touched the artfully designed soft colorful material reverently. Fraser piped in. "That's a very lovely scarf." Ray smiled over at his lover, wanting to tease him about the comment, recollecting the time Fraser had dressed up as a woman and had worn a scarf then. The thought; *Maybe you want to borrow it some time?* remained just that, a thought, it never came out of his mouth. He didn't want to have to explain the comment to his mother. 

Ray was peering over her shoulder to look at the gift. "Who's it from ma?" She smiled whistfully and pulled the scarf out placing it around her neck. "An old friend, who told me once he wouldn't let anything get in the way of my happiness. He was true to his word." 

She always suspected Charlie Ianello had a crush on her back then. Now she knew it was true and smiled. Maybe she'd see him in Florida this year. She heard rumors he was retiring down there. It wouldn't be all that far from her sister's place either she mused. If rumors were true that is. Ray would have a fit she laughed inside to herself, so she threw the thought away and brought her hand up to push her son's face close to her's for a quick kiss. "I'm happy. I'm very happy." THE END 


End file.
